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Welcome to the Stress Nanny, the podcast where we take the overwhelm out of parenting and help kids and parents build calm, confidence, and connection.
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I'm your host, Lindsay Miller, Kids Mindfulness Coach and Cheerleader for Busy Families Everywhere.
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Each week we'll explore simple tools, uplifting stories, and practical strategies to help your child learn emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence, while giving you a little more peace of mind too.
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I'm so glad you're here.
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My guest today is Carrie Lingenfelter.
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Carrie is a former speech therapist turned conscious parenting advocate, podcast host, and change maker.
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As the host of the Heart to Heart Parents Podcast, she empowers parents with mindful and spiritual tools to raise emotionally intelligent, compassionate children.
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As a mother of two, Carrie draws from her personal journey of overcoming anxiety, perfectionism, and parenting burnout to inspire parents to step into their power.
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Her mission is to support change makers raising change makers by fostering self-awareness, emotional growth, and spiritual connection within families.
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Carrie, thanks so much for joining me today.
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I am excited for our conversation.
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Thanks so much for having me, Lindsay.
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I'm so excited to connect.
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Yeah, for sure.
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So for a little background, I was a speech therapist, early intervention, so birth to age three.
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And I also was a first grade teacher before I had kids.
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And when I had kids, I had told my husband, I've got it.
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I'm a child specialist.
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No need to worry.
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Like, I've got it.
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I'm ready to be a mom.
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And as soon as I became a mom, all of that went out the window.
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I suddenly started to realize I would get into my head a lot.
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And each child is obviously so different.
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But when you have your own, it you really do understand that in a new way, versus being a teacher or speech therapist.
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So it quickly became clear that I needed to find new ideas and new ways to connect.
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And luckily, I had spiritual people around me, my mom and other friends and my grandmother.
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I was raised spiritually.
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And so just having them there to help me ground in myself and reconnect with myself really helped me to put away some of the parenting books, put away some of the expectations that I had for myself and that I had read online that I needed to have for myself as a mom and how to even just follow a sleep schedule was like putting that away.
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And that was not for us.
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So learning to follow my kids and follow my inner guidance was something that I have been learning and growing in for almost 10 years now.
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My son's turning 10 next month.
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So yeah, so that's where that background came from.
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Spirituality has always been a big part of my life.
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And as we grow from sensitive kids, like I was a sensitive child into an adult, sometimes it can be hard to come back to the way that we connected with ourselves.
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And so as a parent, that helped me to find myself again and find that for myself to start practicing again after being a know it all in my early 20s.
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No, I'm just kidding.
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But um, you know, you're developing into your own.
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And so you sometimes stray from what you originally had as a foundation in life.
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So finding that again for myself was really powerful.
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And then as my kids got older, we started to realize that there were some neurodiverse pieces.
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They're gifted and talented, and they have other labels as well.
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I love to say my kids are gifted, spirited, and highly sensitive.
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So I ended up starting the podcast to help other parents so they didn't feel alone in this journey of hearing ourselves, finding what we need for our kids, finding the strengths in our children, helping our children to see those strengths in themselves, and then working to keep them conscious and connected to themselves into parenthood or into adulthood.
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Yeah, I love that.
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Thanks for sharing those snippets.
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And I think too, I really resonate with your perspective around feeling a level of book learning or experience going into parenting, and then recognizing once you get there that there's a lot of flying by the seat of your pants and just being able to adapt and have that flexibility in the moment.
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And I love the different elements that you've incorporated into obviously your podcast and then also, you know, just your life that allow you the flexibility you needed to parent the kids that you have in the time that you live, in the circumstances that you find yourself.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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It's really been a journey and it's been really fun to kind of let go of the reins and see where I'm guided.
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I know definitely when I first started my podcast, I was on the side of more evidence-based practice and theory, just learning that in grad school so much and having that so heavy in grad school.
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And then I would physically, physically receive it from the universe, like, nope, you definitely need to jump in full, jump in full into the deep end of the mindfulness and the spirituality and all these pieces.
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And yeah, once I did it, it was like all of that relief that came over me.
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It was like, whoa, this is meant to be.
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This is where I need to be at.
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And I'm finding so many people really want that in their lives too.
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Yeah, no, I love that.
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And I think you and I talked about it on your show when we did our interview, but just the recognition that being fully present and cultivating the ability to be fully present allows the wisdom either that you've learned, that you've heard, that's within you, that's within your kids, that's all around us, that wisdom to find you.
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Like that's the present moment is where it finds you.
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And so if we're like spinning off into the far reaches of our worries or last week or next month, it's really tricky to access the vast wisdom that's accessible only if we can tune into right now.
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Ooh, 100%.
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Yes.
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And then think about if we're teaching our kids that it's it's so empowering for them, especially so many kids coming into the world right now and getting labels.
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It's so common for so many of these kids.
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And then hearing those labels, like, what does that do to us as we're growing?
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We can get so in your head so quickly.
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So that's been really empowering for my kids.
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We will say sensitive, we will say gifted, we'll say, oh, my brain works really, really fast and really, really hard.
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So sometimes I can be a little more nervous than others because my brain goes so quickly.
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So yeah, naming all those pieces.
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I love that empowering.
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No, I agree a hundred percent.
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And I want to go there for a minute because I really love the language that you use.
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Just for a bit of background, my listeners have heard this story before.
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But when I was doing an internship in college, I was interning in a resource classroom and I had kids with a variety of language or labels, and the language we used in the classroom, like it was so jarring to me, right?
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And I'm just this new little intern, but I was just like, we're actually talking about people here.
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And it was just like no no disrespect to any of my coworkers at the time, right?
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It was just the language of school, you know, and how we referred to certain disorders or disabilities or all of the diss things, you know.
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It was so alarming to me to come in and see the way that the kids responded to that label because I had a fresh outlook on it.
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And I was just noticing we are not doing them any favors by using these terms to describe them because they're coming with this whole massive weight.
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And I agree that we can be served by the label, right?
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It helps us narrow things down, it helps us like know what support is going to be the most effective, it helps us really understand ourselves better.
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And so in those ways, the label can serve, but it has to be like gently cradled, right?
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And it has to be like a thing that we are intentional about referring to instead of this thing that's just like weighing this poor kid down and making them feel like they've got like something they're tugging around with them everywhere they go that automatically sets them, you know, like apart or back or aside from the other kids.
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So talk to me about your experience there.
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When you were in this realm as a professional, were you also one of the people who were like, no, no, no, let's refer to this a little differently?
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Because when I went in that classroom every day, I'd be like, we're not talking about you that way.
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Like we're talking about you in this moment right here, as you are, with the incredible skills and gifts that you're bringing to right now.
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And I don't care what your label is, insofar as like it affects your self-worth, because that's a constant for me.
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And I don't think any label is gonna change that.
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So let's start there, you know?
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And so that was how I approached the kids in the classroom.
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And we respected the label and worked with the label, but I didn't let them be defined by it.
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So talk to me about your journey to that realization.
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Yeah, you know, it's almost a little bit of a gift that I started out in early intervention with my speech therapy after going through my program because I feel like in the early intervention program that I worked at in Colorado, we really looked at the whole child.
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So it was so cool because you are instead of writing IEPs, you're writing, I think it was IFSP, so family plans.
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Okay.
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So you're talking about the strengths, you're talking about the challenges, you're looking social, emotional, physical, mental.
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You're looking at all these different areas.
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And isn't that cool?
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Wouldn't that be cool if we did that in our schools when they're older?
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Right.
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So that part was really neat.
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And I did this before I even realized it.
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I wasn't a mom yet, but I wasn't choosing to talk about naming the labels, like your child has an expressive language disorder or delay.
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And I would just focus on the needs that they were seeing in that day.
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I was focusing on what is it that you want your child to do?
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We would break it down to what is it that we can focus on today?
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And, you know, it was really funny, but I was I was drawn to the different, the different techniques from my heart.
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And I didn't really, because I had my back of tricks, all of the techniques, but I would go into a house and I wouldn't know ahead of time until I got there that this child is needing this one.
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This child is needing the parent.
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And I would see the family and I would see, okay, the family is really wanting this child to talk, but I need to have the parents slow down because that child is picking up that energy and that intensity and that pressure of like, say it now, say it now.
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We need you to talk because it's really frustrating.
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So that was a huge piece was just getting everybody to slow down, release that pressure, calm themselves down.
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It's interesting.
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Yeah, no, I love that.
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And I think that it's such an interesting perspective because you could have the neutrality.
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Because it is, like you mentioned uh just a minute ago, when it's your own kid and you're watching something that's maybe not going the way you want it to, you're as a parent feeling the things, right?
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And so there's there's not a I'm not gonna feel option, right?
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Like especially for parents who tend to be more sensitive.
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But like there's as parents, we're just invested in our kids in a different way than anyone else is.
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And so you having that experience in a neutral setting and then being able to apply it in your own home, that's so beautiful to me.
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Well, I could definitely practice it outside of my home when I came into my home.
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It was a different story, right?
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Because you're so emotionally involved and so emotionally wrapped up in it, yeah, that it really took a lot of.
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I always say, like, even the most spiritual guru you can think about, like Ed Cartoli is a big guy.
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Even people like that, do they practice what they preach?
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I don't know what goes on on the inside, but I'm always saying, you find your system that works well for you because we're all human.
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And when we're raising children, we never know what's coming.
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We never know.
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I always even say, when our kids are coming out of school, we never know what is coming out of the door.
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Did they have a great day?
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Are they exhausted?
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Are they sick?
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Are they breaking down because somebody hurt their feelings?
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Like you never know what's coming.
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So having all of these tools and tricks and ways to energize ourselves, self-care, all of these pieces in our pocket before we even get to school to pick up our kids, is so important.
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Yeah, I love that so much too, because I think you're right.
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And again, it's this idea of presence, right?
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It's the mindfulness allows us to be in this moment.
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And I like to describe mindfulness as like knowing what's going on inside of you, knowing what's going on outside of you, and then making a choice on purpose.
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So, in those moments, like you're saying, before kiddos come home, I know, like I learned when my daughter was younger how my own distraction influenced how the shift into home would go, right?
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And she's always been a commuter kid, so I've always picked her up.
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And so if I was on the phone or if I was doing something else, it would have messed with the whole afternoon.
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It would totally change kind of the way we connected after school if I was distracted.
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And the other day we were having a conversation, and it had been, I had connected with her twice, like brought her something at school and then picked her up.
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And both times somebody had called her.
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I'd had to make a quick phone call.
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And she said, like, mom, that was so rough that you just weren't available.
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I wanted to talk to you.
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Yeah.
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And I think that there are schools of thought where you can, you know, tell kids to manage on their own, but that's not how we roll in our house.
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I've always tried to be accessible to her in those moments because it was something that I learned early on was important.
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So it was interesting to have her at 15 tell me, hey, this is important to me still.
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It's important to me that we're able to have a conversation when I get in the car.
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And you're tuned into me, I'm tuned into you.
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Because she works hard not to be on her phone.
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She might need to like respond to something real quick because she's at her phone away.
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Her school doesn't allow phones, so they have their phone away all day.
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So she might have to respond to something real quick, but she has her phone away.
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And you know, the expectation is that I'm gonna be engaged.
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And yeah, at first, I I took the feedback and I was like, Oh, I try so hard, and most days, you know, most days I really do.
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And yeah, but in that moment, I just had to kind of sit with it and also just say to myself, like, I'm glad that's something we do, and that she notices the difference.
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You know what I mean?
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And I think that I would have had a lot of guilt probably earlier in my parenting career around a comment like that.
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But I think at this juncture, it's been so interesting to me to just see the ways those small decisions, right?
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Like you're describing, being mindful of our own well-being before we are ready to adapt and be flexible for whatever walks through the door.
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Yeah.
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Being mindful of ourselves in those moments is just such a huge gift we can give our kids because it does make such a big difference.
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Yeah.
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And it sounds like you modeled that so much for her, where she can now say, Mom, I need you present.
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I need you here with me.
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I'm being present, I need you present.
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That's beautiful.
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I mean, it was, and it was humbling too, because I was just like, Yeah, I messed up.
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Yep, I you're right.
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I did that two times today.
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Of the two times you got in the car, I was, you know, distracted and doing other stuff both times.
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And I don't say that to suggest guilt for people who don't do that.
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Right.
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But what I am saying is I have to know what I need to do to care for myself in order to be flexible and adaptive to whatever situations that I'm facing today.
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I love that as kind of like the groundwork for parenting or the groundwork for reconnection after school.
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Yeah.
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Yep.
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And then also along with that is the awareness of where we're at energetically, is a huge one, especially.
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I feel like so many parents are empaths or highly sensitive, whatever term they may choose to feel ways with them or registers with them.
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I mean, I'm online a lot with podcasting and everything.
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And I feel like I hear so many parents like, oh gosh, I'm so exhausted.
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This is so tiring.
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Like, oh, it does it get better because the screaming is so loud and it's just so intense.
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And and then I always want to respond, like, have you looked at a highly sensitive person?
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Have you thought about looking into being a highly sensitive mom?
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Have you looked at any of this?
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Because it sounds like maybe you need a little time, a couple minutes by yourself, or maybe you could put in some headphones if it's really loud when you're washing dishes and you're trying to recharge for that minute, or all these different pieces.
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But yes, I think that awareness of where we're at energetically, if our capacity bucket has enough room or space for the demands that are going to come from the day, if we're energetically available, or I also say, like if our energy level is up here when we're picking them up, versus if we've had a long day, maybe we're down here.
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And maybe we do need to postpone the phone calls that we need to make so we can try to refill as we're getting to school.
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Maybe we're sitting in the car meditating before the kids come out.
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Maybe we're sitting in the car and sitting with some crystals and saying some affirmations like, thank you for the challenges lately.
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I am ready for what is to come this afternoon.
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I am feeling whole and ready to see my kids and connect with them.
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So yeah, I think monitoring our energy level is so important.
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Yeah, no, I love that.
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And can you share a few more things?
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I'd love to hear more of the things you do to modulate your energy and to create this sense of mindfulness for yourself before offering it.
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Sure.
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Yeah.
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So it's all over the internet right now, the self-care piece.
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But definitely, as you talk so much about really being mindful and present in that self-care routine that you choose.
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But then there's also the day-to-day pieces that come up, especially raising highly sensitive kiddos.
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It can be maybe there's a lot of screaming during that day, and I'm trying to figure out well, her body's just really emotional right now.
00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:45.680
So I'm going to try to know when I'm getting frustrated, like the screaming is too much, and I need to switch out with my husband or my partner, who luckily is available for me sometimes after work.
00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:48.000
Like, okay, my energy is really low.
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:50.720
I need you to take a minute so I can recharge and then we'll switch back.
00:18:50.880 --> 00:19:00.480
So understanding those pieces, knowing when we need to step out to breathe, knowing when I need to put in some headphones when I'm washing dishes.
00:19:00.640 --> 00:19:08.160
If I have switched off to my husband and he's trying to brush teeth and I can hear the chaos, but I know my system is feeling tax from it.
00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:18.319
I love the noise canceling headphones and then just actively being present with I'm washing my dishes, I'm feeling the soap in my hands, all of these present moments that we can do.
00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:24.720
For me, I love because I have kiddos with labels and such, there is a lot of energy in our house.
00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:29.039
And I'm definitely a giver without always even noticing that I'm giving.
00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:32.480
So I have to do a lot of meditation at night for myself.
00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:34.000
I do Reiki on myself.
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:38.240
Reiki level two has really helped me to recharge my energy.
00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:45.279
The podcast is actually a piece where I can find my flow state and I can feel like Carrie instead of mom.
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:47.839
I'm Carrie for a few minutes, which is beautiful.
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:48.960
So that's another one.
00:19:49.119 --> 00:20:00.079
And I myself go to a weekly Qigong class in person, and it's like movement with energy, with moving meditation, basically, with some energy work.
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:04.559
And that's a beautiful place where I get to connect with others and recharge too.
00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:06.720
Oh, thanks for sharing those.
00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:08.880
Such great experiences.
00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:14.960
And I also appreciate that it looks different day to day, right?
00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:19.680
Like I'm such a proponent of a breathing practice regularly, right?
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:25.680
And I'll I say, like those two minutes, I'm different without them in the morning, even if it's just breathing for two.
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:28.960
I would love to go longer than that, but even just two, right?
00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:30.960
Yeah, it makes such a huge difference.
00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:36.799
But just the recognition that every day there's gonna be different things that we can do, right?
00:20:36.960 --> 00:20:45.440
And while consistency is important, like the the intention to incorporate some aspect of mindfulness into our day, right?
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:54.240
Or some piece of self-care into our world, I feel like that's a piece that again, initially I would feel guilty about if I didn't do it a certain way, right?
