March 5, 2026

Ep 208 Calm Amid The Chaos: Emotional Hygiene for Modern Moms with Kristin Cogan

Overwhelm is not your new normal. Between constant notifications, vanishing village support, and the invisible load of appointments, meltdowns, meals, and expectations, modern motherhood can push any nervous system past its limits. We sit down with therapist and coach Kristen Cogan—mom of five and straight-talking guide for moms—to explore practical, compassionate ways to step out of survival mode and into a steadier life that actually feels good.

We start by naming what’s changed for moms today and why “fine” has become a false finish line. From there, Kristen introduces emotional hygiene: daily inner care that prevents resentment, burnout, and those edge-of-lose-it moments. You’ll learn why 30 to 60 second micro-practices work better than rare marathon meditations, and how to habit stack calm with anchors you already have—coffee brewing, school pickup, red lights, bedtime. We share tools you can use when emotions run high: an exaggerated sigh to cue safety, cold water resets, feet-to-floor grounding, and simple mantras that soften perfectionism and future-tripping.

Kristen breaks down her Ripple Effect Method, a four-pillar framework—physical, emotional, social, and spiritual—that helps you spot what’s underfed and start small. We talk through real-world examples: choosing movement and sunlight, setting a daily emotional intention like “calm” or “fun,” auditing nourishing and draining relationships, and rebuilding identity through hobbies you loved as a kid. Expect honest talk about setbacks, repairs with your kids, and the slow magic of presence that expands from seconds to minutes to a reliable inner quiet—even in loud rooms and long afternoons.

If you’re craving more ease, connection, and confidence, this conversation gives you clear steps and realistic rhythms to make change stick. Subscribe, share with a friend who carries a heavy load, and leave a quick review so more parents can find practical tools for calmer days.

For more on Kristin's work you can find her on Instagram.

Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not cheering on her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes.

To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.

To review the podcast click here.

00:20 - Framing Modern Mom Overwhelm

01:31 - Technology, No Village, And The Invisible Load

05:20 - Nervous System Basics And Burnout

09:08 - Choosing Change Without Guilt

13:20 - Emotional Hygiene Defined

18:05 - Practice When Calm, Not In Crisis

22:05 - Habit Stacking For Busy Moms

26:45 - Stress As A Tool For Kids And Parents

29:56 - In-The-Moment Regulation Tools

35:47 - The Ripple Effect Method: Four Pillars

WEBVTT

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Welcome to the Stress Nanny, the podcast where we take the overwhelm out of parenting and help kids and parents build calm, confidence, and connection.

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I'm your host, Lindsay Miller, kids' mindfulness coach and cheerleader for busy families everywhere.

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Each week we'll explore simple tools, uplifting stories, and practical strategies to help your child learn emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence, while giving you a little more peace of mind too.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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Welcome to the Stress Nanny Podcast.

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My guest today is Kristen Cogan.

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She's a licensed therapist, coach, and mom of five who helps high-achieving, overwhelmed moms trade survival mode for a life that feels calm, confident, and fully in their control.

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A straight talking, heart-led guide with over two decades of experience, Kristen knows exactly what it's like to carry the mental load and feel like fine is the finish line.

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She empowers women to step out of survival mode and into their magnetic mama era, one where peace, presence, fun, and joy aren't a fantasy, but a daily reality.

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Kristen, thanks so much for joining me.

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I'm so excited to be here today.

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I think it's gonna be a great conversation.

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Yeah.

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So when you reached out, one of the things that struck me immediately was this idea that overwhelm is something that has come about more recently for moms.

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Like it's always been a really hard job with a lot of pieces, but the level of overwhelm that moms are facing in modern life is different than at any other time.

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Can you talk a little bit more about that?

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Yeah, I mean, I think today moms are carrying a completely different load than like our own mothers did, right?

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And no one's prepared us for it.

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We're in this new age of technology and social media, and we're raising our kids in a world that just never turns off.

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There's no village to help us anymore, but there's constant noise surrounding us, right?

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And we have so many pressures on us set by society and then that we put on ourselves the pressure to be a gentle parent, to be an emotionally perfect mom, the invisible load of managing every appointment, meal, schedule, meltdown, and doing it perfectly and looking the part while we're doing it right.

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And it's exhausting to keep up with this.

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I have to do it all and I have to do it well every moment of every day.

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And it's just so draining for moms that we don't even know what we're doing because we're just constantly like on the hamster wheel.

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Yeah, just that continual cycle with no real respite from information, communication, the needs around us, right?

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Yeah.

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There's no breaks, right?

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And our nervous system never gets a chance to catch up or shut down and relax.

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Yeah.

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And like you're saying, we're designed for that, right?

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Like our nervous system is by nature designed to have a little minute to settle so that it can recalibrate and reset for the next day.

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And so without that, we end up with stress levels that just keep elevating without the dip to bring us back down to what feels manageable.

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Mm-hmm.

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Yeah.

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And I feel like a lot of women I work with don't even know what manageable feels like, right?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's so foreign.

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Totally.

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I was just talking to my sister-in-law the other day.

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Our audience knows I have an autoimmune condition.

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And so in my early 30s, I needed to recalibrate my stress levels in a really kind of dramatic way because part of the remission process was just some lifestyle changes.

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Anyway, my sister-in-law reached out the other day because she's in a similar situation and needing to make some changes.

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And as we were talking, there were some dietary components, you know, some lifestyle components and then just general knowledge that she needed.

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And that we both agreed, like for her with her six kiddos, the lifestyle components were hands down going to be the most complicated part of the process for her.

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Cause she was like, How do I even like exactly what you said?

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What does that even look like for me to bring my stress levels down to a place where I feel like I can reset every day?

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She's like, I don't even know what that world is.

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Yeah, exactly.

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And it's a slow process to learn and it feels really uncomfortable at first because everyone feels like we're being judged and you're not doing enough.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's such a good point that the contrast or just the decision to move the needle in the other direction instead of accepting that overwhelm is the status quo and take those actions, like you're saying, it's one of the hardest parts, right?

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Because it does mean we reclaim a little bit of what we've kind of like left around us.

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And that process of reclamation can feel selfish.

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It can feel scary.

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I feel like sometimes it can feel isolating if we're not showing up for people the same way we used to.

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You have some really great ways to explain this, including like emotional hygiene.

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Talk to us about some of the ways that you help moms navigate this process in a gentle to them and compassionate way.

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Right.

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Yes.

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Well, emotional hygiene is like the daily care that your inner world needs because we're always focused on the outer world.

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And it's making that shift to focus internally.

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So just like we brush our teeth every day to prevent cavities, to take care of our physical hygiene, we have to take care of our emotional hygiene as well to prevent an emotional buildup, that resentment, burnout, overstimulation, those like, I can't do this one more second moments that moms have sometimes.

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And so it really means like taking a minute to check in with yourself before you explode, you know, building in that capacity to even pause.

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A lot of us don't have that.

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And then we go down that guilt spiral because we've exploded.

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Learning just to name our feelings instead of stuffing them down, releasing guilt and frustration, practicing grounding tools and regulation skills on a daily basis, having that be part of a daily habit and not just something that you want to use when everything's going chaotic, right?

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Yeah.

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Because it's not gonna work then.

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Or if it's gonna work, it's only gonna dial it down just a notch, not enough.

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Yeah.

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Learning to set boundaries to protect your peace is part of emotional hygiene, repairing with your kids or your partner when you do lose it, because we've got to stop that shame and guilt spiral afterwards.

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And just learning to restore your nervous system back to what we call the window of tolerance, that place where we feel safe and connected and comfortable and in control, right?

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Yeah.

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Moms, we're constantly outputting our emotional, mental, and physical abilities.

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And so we just have to find a way to rein that back in.

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Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent.

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And one of the things I think is especially challenging, and you allude to this in your work as well, is that right now a lot of moms are navigating that space, trying to learn those skills themselves while caring for elderly parents and teaching young children.

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And it's a really tricky skill set to learn in the thick of all of that, right?

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To come to emotional intelligence and be like, perfect, in the middle of all this chaos on both sides of me generationally, I'm gonna implement these skills and then share them with all of those around me because that's what we do as mothers, right?

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Is we're like, once I know, I need to make sure my kids know and I can try to help my mom do some of these things too.

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Or benefit everybody.

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Yeah, and it does benefit everybody, but it's so tricky to learn in the thick of it.

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Uh-huh.

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It is.

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You have to remember that you have to start small.

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I'm always telling the women I work with like, small is big, slow is fast, and simple is powerful.

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Because we always want to get to the end result as fast as possible.

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And we miss a lot in doing that.

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You know, I love to collapse time when I can, but we do have to build up and teach ourselves these things.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's such a good point.

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And I will use similar phrasing with the clients that I work with, right?

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Because I'm teaching kids these skills and then I'm sending parents email updates talking about what we've learned.

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And then parents are kind of just figuring stuff out on their own or utilizing coaches like you to help them learn as well.

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But one of the things we talk about is that building the foundation for these skills, it takes us three to six months to just start, right?

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To start to notice when a pause would be helpful.

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And so as we're implementing and practicing, I think it's easy to get to a point where you feel totally at your wit's end and at the end of just all of your tools that you've used are not working and be like, okay, I need some help.

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And then you come to the skills and you're like, okay, this is not a quick fix.

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We're not just taking something and implementing it tomorrow.

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And the practice of undoing a lifetime of self-deprecation takes a lot of time, right?

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And for me, at least, that's the root of a lot of it is just that self-compassion piece that we have to put in place in order for the other skills to follow.

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But what's so rewarding is to get those quick wins.

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Like parents will usually see something in the first three months that's a shift, and then we can start to snowball after that.

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But I always try to give them the vision, right?

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Of where we're headed.

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And I think that's what you're saying too.

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If you can just appreciate that those small interactions or those small shifts that you're making are actually really big.

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Or that the momentum you're building is leading you somewhere pretty incredible and it's gonna have such a high impact, tethering to the vision can be so helpful.

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Exactly.

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You just have to trust the process, which can be really hard.

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Yeah.

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Especially again, when you're investing the time and energy into it and wanting the results yesterday.

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Right.

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Exactly.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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I love the things you shared as emotional hygiene.

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And I think that the key to what we're talking about is regular implementation, right?

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It's like not a just use it when you're stressed out or, oh yeah, my kid just made me so frustrated.

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I better start breathing right now.

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Right.

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It is really those day-to-day moments of practice when we're calm that lend the strength and support when we need it.

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So talk to us about how we can do that on a daily basis instead of just trying to tune in when we're overwhelmed.

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Yeah.

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First is just recognizing that that's important.

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Yeah.

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And that it seems silly to practice these things when you are feeling calm or grounded, right?

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You're like, why do I need this?

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Yeah.

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And I think a lot of my clients realize they practice it when they're feeling pretty good and they're like, oh, I didn't realize maybe I was a little more elevated than I thought I was, right?

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So it's really learning what does calm or neutral feel like?

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And when you're coming from a place of an activated nervous system all the time, it can be really uncomfortable to feel calm because there's no activation.

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Like a lot of clients say it feels like vanilla or boring.

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And like, why would I want to be here?

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Because I don't feel that charge.

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Yeah.

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So first step is just learning that that's okay not to feel anything.

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And then practicing small little things.

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I love to tell people doing something for 30 to 60 seconds multiple times throughout the day is going to be in my eyes more beneficial than sitting down and doing a 45 minute meditation.

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Because first of all, like who has 45 minutes to actually dedicate to a meditation on a daily basis?

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When you've got a bunch of kids running around.

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Yep.

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No, I definitely don't.

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But you can make these shifts happen just building on 30 seconds multiple times a day.

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Yeah, totally.

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I agree.

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And I think that the point that the consistent practice is the goal is so important, right?

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And it is again in one of those situations where it's a simple thing that makes a big impact.

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Or how did you say a small thing that has a big impact?

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Yes, exactly.

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And so learning how can I build this into my day, right?

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That's the first question everyone asks.

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It seems so foreign.

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What can I do?

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And so I always use habit stacking as a great way to do it.

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So, you know, if you're making your coffee in the morning while that's brewing, you could take four calming breaths.

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Or my favorite is my shift from ending my work day to going to pick up my kids and using that time in the car before I go in to greet them to center myself.

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And it looks different every day.

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It might be me like jamming out to a trailer swift song one day, and the next day it might be me sitting in quiet and just taking some deep breaths and always reminding myself that I want to greet my children with a smile is one of my mantras that helps.

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And it really doesn't take that much time to shift from the weight of the day into mom mode, right?

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Yeah.

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So a lot of times it's like, oh, I gotta go get my kids, and the evening cycle is gonna happen, and it's just a little dreadful sometimes.

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We're being honest.

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And so reframing your mindset can be helpful.

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And then before bed, I think it's a great time to just put your hand on your heart, tell yourself you've done a great job today with what you've had, and take a few deep breaths.

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And again, these things seem so simple and so kind of silly in a way, but they really do have a huge impact on your body and how you start showing up with the others around you.

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Yeah, a hundred percent.

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I couldn't agree more.

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And I love the simple ways that you weave it in.

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I'm also a big fan of habit stacking.

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So with the kids, we talk about that too.

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Like after you brush your teeth or when you're putting on your backpack, could you take three deep breaths?

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Because if you're racing out of the house, maybe that's not the best time to do it because you're not calm.

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But you know, if you're waiting at the bus stop, there's so many opportunities throughout the day if we choose to take them for adding that little bit of calm.

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And I love to make it visual, especially for kids, right?

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So we'll draw like a stress chart and talk about stress going up and then us bringing it back down like a roller coaster, right?

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And then it goes up for another thing, and then you bring it back down.

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And mom life is that 100%, right?

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It's a complete roller coaster, especially after school, like you're talking about.

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And I love that visual, it's helping nor normalize that it's okay to get stressed.

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We all get stressed, and then we got to bring it back down, right?

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Yeah.

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Another key thing I always think is don't wait for quiet.

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If you're waiting for the quiet moment to practice these things, it's not gonna happen.

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So you can ground and center yourself with loud kids in the car while your kids having a meltdown.

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It's not about the environment you're in, but it's just the practice of training your body to do these things.

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Yeah, it's such a good point because the stop light is where I will often take a deep breath.

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Yeah.

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So it just if I'm stopped at a red light, usually that's frustrating for me because I don't like being stopped at red lights.

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And so it's good for me to just appreciate the minute that I have instead of getting frustrated.

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So it's a double benefit for me.

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But I think just those moments, sometimes the radio's on, right?

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And I don't always just turn the radio off to take my deep breath.

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I'm just like, okay, stopping.

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I'm taking a deep breath.

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I am fully paused in this moment.

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Yeah.

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And then the light's gonna turn green and I'm gonna go be on with my day.

00:15:58.080 --> 00:16:06.559
But it's not the kind of meditation you might envision or experience in yoga class or, you know, see other people participate in on retreats.

00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:14.320
Like mom life meditation tends to be a little bit more scattered, loud, and just out of necessity wherever it happens.

00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:14.960
Mm-hmm.

00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:16.080
Yeah, but that's great.

00:16:16.159 --> 00:16:24.240
And when you practice it at every green light or red light, it becomes more automatic when you do start to feel triggered, which is awesome.

00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:24.799
Yeah.

00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:38.240
I think it's a good point too, though, the normalizing, because I am especially keen on kids recognizing the value of stress because I think sometimes we have combatant relationships with it, and it really can serve us, right?

00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:44.320
As long as we're not stuck in that adrenal cycle where it's a con we're constantly under duress.

00:16:44.559 --> 00:16:58.879
And so I think that one of the things that can be interesting is recognizing when it serves when you have a boost of adrenaline because you are about for kids, right?

00:16:58.960 --> 00:17:19.359
We'll talk about because you are about to have this race or because you're about to perform and how the kids can start to recognize like, oh, if I know how to calm myself down and I'm not at the mercy of my adrenaline, I can actually leverage it to have a better performance and to make the test at school go better than what I anticipated.

00:17:19.519 --> 00:17:21.519
And I think it can be the same for moms.

00:17:21.599 --> 00:17:27.359
Our day-to-day is gonna look different, but it can be tricky to let go of the adrenaline rush that's 24-7.

00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:33.359
But when we do, I think there are really moments when we can appreciate the value of it in a different way.

00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:34.640
Yes, absolutely.

00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:35.440
Yeah.

00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:38.160
Okay, but let's go back to being overstimulated.

00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:42.160
If somebody's on the edge of losing their cool, what are some tools you recommend?

00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:50.079
Like they've been practicing in the interim, they've been practicing before bed with the morning coffee, they've been implementing the breathing at different points.

00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:53.839
What are some other ways they can regulate in the thick of a really stressful moment?

00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:54.480
Mm-hmm.

00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:59.119
My favorite one is just taking an inhale and letting out a big sigh.

00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:03.359
So a really exaggerated sigh.

00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:03.839
Yeah.

00:18:04.559 --> 00:18:05.680
The louder the better.

00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:16.960
Because I think that's a really good sign or cue to your nervous system that you're not being chased by a bear in this moment because you're actually taking this time to take the breath and have this sigh.

00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:20.160
And if you were running for your life, that wouldn't be happening.

00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:24.400
And it just does a quick shift, I feel like.

00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:36.480
No, you know, like when I feel myself escalating, I verbalize that to my children.

00:18:36.559 --> 00:18:47.599
Like I feel my chest is getting tight or that my heart's racing, or that I'm feeling frustrated because that helps them examine what maybe they are doing or adding to the chaos.

00:18:47.839 --> 00:18:48.079
Yeah.

00:18:48.799 --> 00:18:50.960
And they can help shift that as well.

00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:52.799
It's all about co-regulation too.

00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:54.000
Yeah, a hundred percent.

00:18:54.160 --> 00:19:02.559
Well, and I love the recognition that the physical sensation is sometimes the thing that's actually triggering to us.

00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:06.799
And if we can just name it to tame it that way, like naming the emotion is important.

00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:11.519
But sometimes if my heart is racing, I'm just stressed out because I'm feeling my heart racing, right?

00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:14.160
And so I'm like, oh, my heart is racing right now.

00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:20.799
Then we can approach the emotion from the physical side or the like mental emotional side.

00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:23.200
And I think there's so much value in both, right?

00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:30.400
Taking the deep breath and letting the nervous system calm, but then also normalizing, oh, my heart rate's a little elevated right now.

00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:31.119
Mm-hmm.

00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:31.839
Yes.

00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:38.720
Another one I love is doing a temperature shift using cold water, washing your hands or running it on your wrist.

00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:41.920
Something about that really just shifts your nervous system.

00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:47.200
Holding an ice cube, I know ice rollers are really popular right now for your face.

00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:51.920
So even just doing that a couple of times a day can help to build up.

00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:55.279
But in the moment, it's also another great way to calm you down.

00:19:55.920 --> 00:19:56.640
I love that.

00:19:56.799 --> 00:19:59.200
Yeah, that's not one that I use, but I love it.

00:19:59.359 --> 00:20:03.200
And I think again, the sensory shift, right?

00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:14.079
If we can focus our sensory experience on something else, then oftentimes we can gain a little bit of space between ourselves and the situation in front of us.

00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:14.880
Exactly.

00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:24.240
Another great one that's a sensory shift as well is just pressing your feet into the floor for three seconds and then releasing that and just really noticing that connection to the earth.

00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:27.440
Again, it just somehow shifts it away, right?

00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:31.279
And sometimes they're not, we have to remember, sometimes it's not like a huge shift.

00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:38.079
You might be a seven on a scale of 10 and it's only shifting it down to a 6.8, and that's okay.

00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:42.079
It's practice over time makes it better, right?

00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:42.640
Yeah.

00:20:42.799 --> 00:20:44.720
I also use mantras a lot.

00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:46.559
Yeah, I want to hear them.

00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:50.799
One of them I say is I'm doing the best I can with what I have, right?

00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:53.200
So give me a little self-compassion there.

00:20:53.599 --> 00:20:55.200
This too shall pass.

00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:56.880
This is just a season.

00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:03.279
All these things that just remind me that this is just a moment and it's not always going to feel this way.

00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:05.200
Do you have any mantras you use?

00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:07.599
I love the first one you shared.

00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:10.160
I'm doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.

00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:15.440
I really like the idea of all good moms make mistakes.

00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:15.920
Yes.

00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:23.039
And not that we need to be putting judgment or value on moms, they are great regardless, but I'm wanting to offer my child a high quality experience.

00:21:23.200 --> 00:21:26.240
All moms make mistakes and kids are now great, you know.

00:21:26.400 --> 00:21:29.839
So I think that some variation on that is helpful.

00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:35.279
I also like the recognition that I'll have what I need when I need it.

00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:43.359
Because sometimes, especially in parenting, I can get worried about the what ifs or what's coming up or what this might mean or whatever.

00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:50.799
And so I think that when I am on that rabbit wheel of thought, it's easy for me to escalate myself, you know, with my thoughts.

00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:59.200
And so if I can bring myself back down and just say, I'll have what I need when I need it, then it helps me be a little less anxious about the future.

00:21:59.440 --> 00:21:59.599
Yes.

00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:00.559
I love that.

00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:04.079
And then I also just want, I'm here now.

00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:07.359
You know, like I am here.

00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:08.240
Yes.

00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:09.599
In the present moment, right?

00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:11.119
That's where we need to be.

00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:12.079
Yeah.

00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:16.160
Talk to me about the ripple effect method.

00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:20.880
So I think this is something that is going to tie into some of the other things we've talked about.

00:22:20.960 --> 00:22:27.119
But walk us through what it is, where it came from, and how it helps moms become the confident version of themselves they're looking for.

00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:27.759
Yeah.

00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:30.079
So I call it the ripple effect method.

00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:34.079
It's basically ways to practice good emotional hygiene.

00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:37.359
And when you're doing that, that ripples into your life, right?

00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:43.599
And if you're taking good care of yourself, your family and friends and coworkers all feel that.

00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:47.279
And if you're not taking good care of yourself, they also feel that.

00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:50.160
And I created this after.

00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:54.880
So I have five kids, and at one time I had four under four.

00:22:57.839 --> 00:22:58.960
Blessed your heart.

00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:00.000
Yes.

00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:01.519
And it was very trying.

00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:06.720
And I was like, I've got to figure this out because I was trying to be what I saw.

00:23:06.880 --> 00:23:09.440
I saw on social media or on Pinterest, right?

00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:11.519
And it was just not attainable.

00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:17.599
And nobody told me that motherhood's actually really hard and it doesn't life.

00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:21.839
So I was like, I am never going to survive this.

00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:31.599
And so that's when I realized, okay, really taking care of myself is important and so hard to do as a mom because you see these babies that need you.

00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:35.359
How can I tell them to wait so that I can do something for me?

00:23:35.599 --> 00:23:35.920
Right.

00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:36.480
Yeah.

00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:43.039
So the ripple effect method really just helps you start taking care of that.

00:23:43.119 --> 00:23:45.519
And so it's broken down into four pillars.

00:23:45.839 --> 00:23:47.039
So think of a chair.

00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:48.880
If it has four legs, great.

00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:50.640
It's sturdy, it's stable.

00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:54.240
And if one's kind of shaky, then the whole chair is shaky.

00:23:54.319 --> 00:23:57.119
And if two are missing, then you can't even sit in it.

00:23:57.359 --> 00:24:01.759
So this is kind of the way to look at the emotional hygiene.

00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:08.400
The four pillars are physical, emotional, social, and spiritual.

00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:08.960
Okay.

00:24:09.119 --> 00:24:10.640
So we'll go through each one.

00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:14.799
And don't get overwhelmed by like, oh my gosh, it's four things that I have to do.

00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:17.440
Cause I hear my clients sing that right from the start.

00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:18.160
It's okay.

00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:24.480
This is just to give us an overview so we can examine and reflect on where we are in our life.

00:24:24.799 --> 00:24:32.240
And I have moms just look at this like once a month, once a week, if you really can, but once a month, how am I doing on these four things?

00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:33.599
Where can I do better?

00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:35.599
Where do I need to put my weight into?

00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:37.599
So the first one is physical.

00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:43.519
So this is the things that you do daily or almost daily that make you feel good.

00:24:43.759 --> 00:24:45.039
The physical things you do.

00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:47.839
Like for me, it's like making my bed.

00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:50.799
I enjoy getting dressed in cute clothes.

00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:52.480
I enjoy putting makeup on.

00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:54.880
When I look good, I feel good about myself.

00:24:54.960 --> 00:24:57.359
And it just helps how I present myself.

00:24:57.680 --> 00:25:05.839
This could be drinking water or eating well, taking a shower, even though that's a basic need, it's also one of those things.

00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:06.960
Some days.

00:25:07.440 --> 00:25:11.440
What are some things that you do daily that kind of make you focus?

00:25:11.759 --> 00:25:13.119
The physical type things.

00:25:13.519 --> 00:25:16.799
Yeah, for me, I like drinking my AG1 in the morning.

00:25:16.960 --> 00:25:17.119
Yes.

00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:19.200
So I get up and I have my AG1.

00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:21.920
I have a dandelion tea a little bit later.

00:25:23.039 --> 00:25:31.440
Those two things are really grounding for me and help me feel like, okay, I'm putting some stuff in this morning that's getting me going, exercising.

00:25:31.599 --> 00:25:33.599
So I like to move in the morning.

00:25:33.759 --> 00:25:37.680
And then I'm at a stage of life where gaining muscle is important.

00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:43.519
So making sure that I'm doing something to add a bit of muscle to my frame is uh helpful.

00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:53.039
And then walking my dogs, just getting outside that I try not to listen to something while I'm walking them and just be with them, be present, be in nature.

00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:58.000
So that's the sensations that I get when I'm walking the wind in my face or the sun.

00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:02.640
Yes, you know, today the snow outside, the crunch of the leaves.

00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:06.000
Like all of those things are really nourishing to my senses.

00:26:06.640 --> 00:26:08.640
So yeah, those are a few that are important to me.

00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:09.519
I love that.

00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:14.880
And so what I do is I have clients write down the things that they do or that they want to do more often.

00:26:15.039 --> 00:26:16.400
Maybe they don't do them at all.

00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:23.200
Other things that would go here is if you like getting your hair done every once in a while or getting your nails done, things like that will go in this column too.

00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:38.559
And the neat thing about this column is when you identify the things that are important to you that really make you feel good, like the top two or three, when you notice that you stop doing those, it tells you like this is a slippery slope.

00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:43.440
So for me, if you see me with a messy bun for a week in a row, be like, hey girl, what's going on?

00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:47.039
You need something with yeah, it's just a simple tell, right?

00:26:47.279 --> 00:26:47.759
Yeah.

00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:48.319
Okay.

00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:50.799
So the second one is emotional.

00:26:51.119 --> 00:26:56.559
So this is just examining what emotions do I currently feel in my life that I like.

00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:02.960
What emotions would I like to feel more of, maybe that I don't experience at all or very often.

00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:12.160
And just being mindful of that and then setting an intention in the morning of today, I want to feel more peace in my day.

00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:16.640
And something about just setting the intention helps it come to you throughout the day.

00:27:16.799 --> 00:27:17.920
I don't know if you find that.

00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:19.039
Yeah, 100%.

00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:25.920
I talked to the kids about how it's kind of like a word search where if you tell your brain what words to look for, there's a bunch of words you could find in there.

00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:30.000
But if you tell your brain the ones to look for, it's gonna focus on those and find them.

00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:32.160
That's how I feel about emotions and mantras.

00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:37.599
And I'm like, you tell your brain in the morning this is what you're looking for, it's gonna find it for you.

00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:38.240
Yes.

00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:41.519
So every day, just pick a new one that you want to work on.

00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:52.880
You know, for me right now, it's calm, fun is a big one because I feel like as a mom, you're just going through the motions and you forget that you want to have a fun, loving relationship with these humans, right?

00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:58.720
And so that helps me remember, oh, I can do little things they think are fun throughout the day and that are fun for me.

00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:00.720
Gratitude is another great one.

00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:03.200
But really, anything that you want, just write it down.

00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:07.839
And if you're a person that journals, you can journal what that would look like in your day.

00:28:08.079 --> 00:28:10.480
But yes, I love the word search analogy.

00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:11.759
That's perfect.

00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:20.000
Yeah, no, I think I love the idea of writing it down too, because there was a time in my life, I haven't done it recently, but where I'd write down three things in the morning, right?

00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.440
Pretty consistently.

00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:29.920
And it's fun to it is a bit of a challenge for your brain, but it's fun to see how it comes through for you, you know, bring brings those things to you.

00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:30.640
Exactly.

00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:31.599
It's crazy.

00:28:31.839 --> 00:28:34.240
Okay, so the third one is social.

00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:42.319
So the first part of social is reflecting on am I an introvert or extrovert when it comes to recharging my batteries?

00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:47.759
Do I need to be alone to refill my cup or do I actually get energy from being around other people?

00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:53.119
And that's just important to have in the back of your mind so that you can be like, oh, this week I haven't been alone at all.

00:28:53.279 --> 00:28:56.240
No wonder I'm really grumpy if that's something you need, right?

00:28:56.480 --> 00:28:56.640
Yeah.

00:28:56.880 --> 00:29:04.960
Also, social is making a list of people in your life that you want to connect with, enjoy being around.

00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:14.240
Maybe you don't talk to very often, but want to have that relationship and just touching on that relationship here and there to keep it going.

00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:21.279
Also, on the flip side of that is making a list of people that are draining to you or that maybe you need to cut out of your life.

00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:24.880

Ep 208 Calm Amid The Chaos: Emotional Hygiene for Modern Moms with Kristin Cogan

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