March 19, 2026

Ep 210: Why Buyer's Remorse Is the Most Important Financial Skill Kids Can Learn

Money stress has a way of leaking into everything, our sleep, our relationships, and even the way our kids learn what “normal” looks like at home. I’m joined by Lori Atwood, CFP and founder of Fearless Finance, to talk about what changes when financial planning is truly fiduciary and priced in a way regular families can actually use. We dig into why “free” advice often isn’t free at all, how commission and assets-under-management models can quietly shape recommendations, and how an hourly approach can give you a clearer, more neutral path forward.

We also get real about the emotional side of personal finance: shame, guilt, and the comparison trap that social media amplifies. Lori shares her definition of real prosperity and her five fundamentals that create financial security: spending less than you earn, keeping an “oops” cash buffer, building a true emergency fund, saving at least 15% for retirement, and managing consumer debt with a payoff plan. If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by money anxiety or told yourself you’re “not good at money,” this conversation offers a calmer, more workable way to start.

Because this is The Stress Nanny, we bring it back to parenting too. We talk about modeling money habits, why kids learn more from our reactions than our lectures, and how to set teens up with developmentally appropriate first steps like a checking account and debit card. One of my favorite insights is how buyer’s remorse, in small stakes moments, teaches value and priorities better than any app ever could. If this helps, subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more parents can find practical support.

To learn more about Fearless Finance, visit the website and use code LindsayMiller for $50 off your first session.

You can also find Lori on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

Lori Atwood is the founder and CEO of Fearless Finance and a CFP® professional. Lori created Fearless Finance to make expert, fiduciary, hourly financial planning accessible to everyone with no sales, no minimums, and no judgement. Lori’s been in finance for over 25 years starting in investment banking, asset management and private equity before starting Fearless Finance in 2016.

Lindsay Miller is a distinguished kids mindfulness coach, mindfulness educator and host of The Stress Nanny Podcast. She is known for her suitcase tricks and playful laugh. When she's not cheering on her daughter or rollerblading on local trails with her husband, you can find her using her 20+ years of child development study and mindfulness certification to dream up new ways to get kids excited about deep breathing. Having been featured on numerous podcasts, platforms and publications, Lindsay’s words of wisdom are high impact and leave a lasting impression wherever she goes.

To sign up for Lindsay's "Calm & Collected" Newsletter click here.

To review the podcast click here.

00:20 - Welcome And Guest Introduction

01:46 - Why Hourly Fiduciary Planning Exists

04:16 - Advisor Fee Models Explained Clearly

09:35 - Shame And Anxiety Around Money

14:54 - Five Fundamentals Of Financial Prosperity

17:04 - Modeling Money Calm For Kids

20:16 - Helping Teens Start Financial Independence

26:05 - Teaching Value Through Buyer’s Remorse

31:02 - The Real Cost Of Raising Kids

34:55 - Couples Money Tension And Power Dynamics

40:17 - Where To Find Fearless Finance

42:40 - Closing Message And Listener Requests

WEBVTT

00:00:20.559 --> 00:00:27.039
Welcome to the Stress Nanny, the podcast where we help kids and parents build calm, confidence, and connection.

00:00:27.280 --> 00:00:32.799
I'm your host, Lindsay Miller, Kids Mindfulness Coach and Cheerleader for Busy Families Everywhere.

00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:44.960
Each week we'll explore simple tools, uplifting stories, and practical strategies to help your child learn emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence, while giving you a little more peace of mind too.

00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:46.799
I'm so glad you're here.

00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:50.240
My guest today is Lori Atwood.

00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:54.479
She's the founder and CEO of Fearless Finance and a CFP professional.

00:00:54.640 --> 00:01:04.159
Lori created Fearless Finance to make expert fiduciary hourly financial planning accessible to everyone with no sales, no minimums, and no judgment.

00:01:04.400 --> 00:01:13.040
Lori's been in finance for over 25 years, starting in investment banking, asset management, and private equity before starting Fearless Finance in 2016.

00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:15.359
Lori, I'm so excited for this conversation.

00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:16.959
Thank you for joining me today.

00:01:17.359 --> 00:01:18.640
Thanks for having me.

00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:29.120
I have a million questions for you, but one of the things that I love about your business is just how you make, like we just said, financial planning accessible for anyone.

00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:32.959
And sometimes there can, it can feel like there's a barrier to entry, right?

00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:39.040
Whether it's knowledge, whether it's knowing which platforms to utilize, which accounts are going to yield the most for you.

00:01:39.280 --> 00:01:46.239
So help me get a sense of how you got into this, like where you saw that gap in the market and then why you wanted to help fill it.

00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:49.439
Yeah, let me tell you the origin story of this.

00:01:49.680 --> 00:01:55.840
So I had my daughter right at the fall of Lehman Brothers in 2008.

00:01:56.640 --> 00:02:02.480
And I was in doing, for the sake of collect of time, let's just say it, I was working in private equity.

00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:03.920
I was at a small fund.

00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:11.919
And my husband was like, you know, you always wanted to stay home with her, and your bonuses are going to be nothing for the next couple of years.

00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:14.319
So why not go ahead and do it?

00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:15.919
And I did.

00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:23.199
And we both agreed that it would be okay to kind of tighten the belt for a couple of years to kind of do that.

00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:28.240
And while I was home with her, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do next.

00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:35.360
I just wanted to be home with her until she started kindergarten, you know, and then I would go and do something else.

00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:37.280
And I wanted to work for myself.

00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:44.159
And I started doing these small videos, what we would call reels now, but back then there wasn't anything.

00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:50.639
Doing these reels about parenting, how to detangle hair, how to deal with a bully, how to do these things.

00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:52.960
And I interviewed experts about it.

00:02:53.120 --> 00:02:55.919
And what I realized was that the reels were great.

00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:58.639
They had great information, but they were very boring.

00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:06.400
And so I thought, okay, I need to test different formats of how to make the reel interesting.

00:03:06.879 --> 00:03:10.639
And I need to test them on myself so I don't waste other people's time.

00:03:10.879 --> 00:03:18.879
So I called up everyone I knew and I said, Can I give a free seminar on personal finance and videotape myself?

00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:25.360
And so I went around to yoga studios and churches and preschools and everyone who would have me.

00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:26.560
And I did that.

00:03:26.960 --> 00:03:30.319
And then people came up to me and they said, Do you take clients?

00:03:32.159 --> 00:03:32.719
Fantastic.

00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:34.400
And I did.

00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:39.199
I started out doing advice like at a coaching level.

00:03:39.280 --> 00:03:45.039
And then the next year I went and got my CFP and got fully regulated.

00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:48.479
And that was when Fearless Finance was born.

00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:55.759
And I could have at that point taken the path of doing assets under management, which is what a lot of people do.

00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:02.240
But I said to myself, the people who really need advice, they want to pay in a way that they understand.

00:04:02.319 --> 00:04:04.800
They want to pay by the hour, like they pay their plumber.

00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:06.400
They want to do that.

00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:11.919
And so I figured I would take a shot and see if it had legs, if you will.

00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:15.120
And that was 10 years ago.

00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:16.720
So fantastic.

00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:21.920
And explain again for people who aren't familiar in terms of like assets under management, what that means.

00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:30.399
So if you're thinking to yourself right now as you're listening, like I'm not sure what, you know, which type of financial advisor I have, how would they differentiate and how would they know?

00:04:30.639 --> 00:04:31.680
That's a great question.

00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:37.199
So the first type, you don't pay for his or her services and you go in and see them.

00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:42.720
And chances are they're selling you products that make them money in commissions on the back end.

00:04:43.279 --> 00:04:46.319
The other way is what I just referred to as assets under management.

00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:48.240
Other people might call it a wrap fee.

00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:54.639
They may also call it fee-based, which is murky at best.

00:04:55.040 --> 00:05:03.680
And what that means is that if you give them$100,000 to manage, they take 1% of it, whether it gains money or loses money.

00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:06.959
They're still taking 1% of it and investing it.

00:05:07.120 --> 00:05:10.079
And you don't have the control over it anymore.

00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:12.800
We don't do any of those things.

00:05:13.759 --> 00:05:23.279
We give people in the asset accumulation stage of life, usually 28 to 55, the advice, the fiduciary advice they need.

00:05:23.439 --> 00:05:29.680
Fiduciary means we have your best interests at heart that they need for their finances.

00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:41.839
So, in other words, if you're in an assets under management situation and you've got a bunch of money parked with somebody, and then you're you say to you and your spouse are like, well, we don't mind having a vacation home.

00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:44.959
That person's gonna do his or her best to talk you out of it.

00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:49.439
Because when you take that money out, you're taking money away from him or her.

00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:57.360
So they can't be fully fiduciary in that sense because they're not really thinking about whether you want the beach house or not.

00:05:58.319 --> 00:05:59.920
We can't.

00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:03.279
Because what we want you to do is get to your goals.

00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:20.240
Because we believe that if that the more people in our world that are financially secure and feel confident about their finances, the better they are as community members, as spouses, as parents, as children, as everything.

00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:22.399
So that's it.

00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:24.160
Yeah, I love that.

00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:32.240
And I think one of the things that's important, especially as we're talking about this with our kids, or as we have our college-age kids.

00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:40.480
I remember when I was in college and I had a friend who was a certified financial planner, but he was working, you know, for a fee-based company.

00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:42.480
And so he's only selling me certain products.

00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:43.759
I had just got my first job.

00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:47.199
My husband was still in school, but we're like, okay, it's time to start building wealth, right?

00:06:47.279 --> 00:06:52.480
It's time to start being a little bit more optimistic and not just paying the rent every month in our little college apartment.

00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:55.759
And so we were trying to set up our IRA and different things.

00:06:55.839 --> 00:07:00.399
And he's like, hey, I have this really great product, this like insurance annuity for you.

00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:01.199
You know what I mean?

00:07:01.360 --> 00:07:05.439
And I was like, oh, you know, this is like nails on a chalkboard for me.

00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:05.920
That's right.

00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:11.600
Well, it was like I was feeling at the time, like, oh, this is a, you know, I felt grown up, right?

00:07:11.759 --> 00:07:12.720
It's my first job.

00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:14.639
It's my first like paychecks coming in.

00:07:14.720 --> 00:07:16.399
And I'm like, oh, this is gonna be cool.

00:07:16.639 --> 00:07:23.839
And as I was talking with him about it, I thankfully I have parents who, you know, have have offered financial education for my whole life.

00:07:23.920 --> 00:07:25.519
And so I kind of checked in with them.

00:07:25.680 --> 00:07:28.000
I'm like, hey, you know, we're getting ready to invest.

00:07:28.079 --> 00:07:29.279
And they're like, great, way to go.

00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:30.720
I'm you know, so proud of you for that.

00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:35.439
And I started talking about what I was investing in, and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:38.319
Like this is, you know, this is not a great idea.

00:07:38.560 --> 00:07:41.279
I think the IRA is great, but let's take another look at this.

00:07:41.439 --> 00:07:42.319
What are you trying to do?

00:07:42.399 --> 00:07:44.240
And you know, this is the end result of that.

00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:57.279
And one of the things that is so striking is like when you come to someone like you who has, like you said, the person's best interest in mind, there's so many options, right, for meeting your financial goals.

00:07:57.360 --> 00:07:59.839
And there's just like myriad ways to get there.

00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:10.959
But if you're if you're just working with someone, and my friend was great, you know, and you know, trying to help people out in the way that he wanted to, but there was definitely, you know, a big financial incentive for him to sell me that product.

00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:16.160
And at the time, I just didn't recognize and didn't know when we didn't end up going with that product.

00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:20.959
And I switched my IRA a couple years later because it was feeling a little dicey.

00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:26.639
But one of the things that was really important at that time was another voice, right?

00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:38.879
Like and like what you guys offer, this like more neutral perspective around like what this investment is going to mean for you in the future, like why it might sound great now, why down the road it might not be the best choice.

00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:40.080
Close electrons.

00:08:40.879 --> 00:08:41.120
Yeah.

00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:48.240
And when we're in those relationships with fee-based or other types of investment advisors, it's like you said, that's not what we're getting, right?

00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:49.600
No, that's right.

00:08:49.759 --> 00:08:54.960
And I'm glad that you got that extra voice there that said, hey, wait a second.

00:08:55.200 --> 00:08:59.039
An annuity for somebody in what sounds like your 20s or early 30s.

00:08:59.279 --> 00:09:01.360
Yes, my early 20s.

00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:02.960
I was 21.

00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:05.679
Might not be the right way to go.

00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:06.399
Yes.

00:09:06.960 --> 00:09:12.799
Just like the value of what you can bring in those conversations for adults who are navigating that for the first time.

00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:14.879
And we'll talk about this in a little bit.

00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:20.559
For adults who are recognizing maybe the importance of you call it financial adulting, right?

00:09:20.879 --> 00:09:25.919
And maybe they're at a different pace than what other people are and they're feeling a little self-conscious about it.

00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:32.000
But again, you can bring that neutral perspective, the non-judgment, and just be like, okay, this is where we're starting from.

00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:33.519
Like, where are we headed and what do we need?

00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:34.720
Exactly.

00:09:34.960 --> 00:09:35.759
Exactly.

00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:51.360
And the key, you said it in my intro about no judgment, is really it's not a throwaway comment, it's a real comment because there's so much guilt and shame and embarrassment and all kinds of other negative emotions tied to finance.

00:09:52.399 --> 00:10:01.440
And what they do is they hold people back and they paralyze people to either one getting the help they need or two, make solving the problem, whatever it is.

00:10:02.159 --> 00:10:10.559
And so if we can remove some of the obstacles, remove some of the shame and the embarrassment, we're going halfway down the road there.

00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:11.360
Yeah.

00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:18.159
So it's critical that people have a place where they can go and they can be heard and they don't have to feel judged.

00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:33.200
It's very hard now with social media, with all of these distribution channels of what you're supposed to be at some time of life and what you're supposed to be driving and living in and wearing and all of that.

00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:41.200
And there are a million reasons why we should question it, but financially, it's just it absolutely requires questioning.

00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:48.720
And what I like to say to people is if you have my five fundamentals, you're prosperous.

00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:54.480
And I don't really care what you drive, and I don't really care what you're wearing.

00:10:55.679 --> 00:11:05.679
That's what makes you prosperous is that security and not whatever's on your Instagram reel of whatever vacation, blah, blah, blah, that you were on.

00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:07.600
That's just clouding the picture.

00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:08.639
That is not prosperity.

00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:14.960
And I guarantee you, a lot of the people making those reels are not what I would call financially prosperous.

00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:19.919
You know, they're highly leveraged, they have a lot of debt, they're doing whatever, whatever it is.

00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:22.879
So prosperity is very different.

00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:24.879
Yeah, I want to get into those.

00:11:25.039 --> 00:11:31.840
I want to highlight what you said though, because I think here on the Stress Nanny podcast, we talk about emotional regulation a lot.

00:11:32.879 --> 00:11:43.840
And I think that it's really essential that we pay attention to those feelings of anxiety, those feelings of shame, the feelings that we have around money.

00:11:44.080 --> 00:12:02.799
Because, and I'm sure this is something that you talk about also, but like when our money emotions are the thing driving or our subconscious patterns around money emotions, the discomfort often causes us to put money at a distance, or you may maybe put our head in the sand, right?

00:12:02.879 --> 00:12:07.200
Or just be unable to sit in that place of shame or anxiety that you talked about.

00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:11.039
And that's where mindfulness can really come in handy, right?

00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:15.039
Because we're like, okay, I'm feeling shame right now, right?

00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:26.320
Or I am feeling extreme discomfort at reconciling where I'm at with where I want to be, or I'm feeling like I had a plan and it's not go, you know, it's just whatever it is in your human story.

00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:32.480
But the emotional part, don't let the emotion use your mindfulness to work with the emotion.

00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:36.960
So it doesn't hold you back from the financial goals you want to work toward, right?

00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:43.120
Yeah, and I would add to that that it's not misused, right?

00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:48.320
Because many, many times, I don't know what the number is, but it's a high number.

00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:55.759
Many, many times, the thing that that the you or the the client thinks is so embarrassing.

00:12:56.159 --> 00:12:58.559
It's really a nothing burger.

00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:02.320
And honestly, it's true.

00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:27.360
And what I say to people all the time, and I put it in slides when I do seminars, and I'm gonna say it right now, which is that almost everything with very few, very specific instances is fixable, it's all fixable if you're willing to do what needs to be done to fix it, and that second part is not to be dismissed.

00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:28.879
That's the most important thing.

00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:33.840
You can sit in your shame or you can fix it.

00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:34.559
Yeah.

00:13:34.799 --> 00:13:35.120
Yeah.

00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:45.919
And again, like you're saying, the shame spiral is going to have an impact, whether you like address it or not, right?

00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:48.480
Like you're saying, it's like it's gonna touch all the things.

00:13:48.639 --> 00:13:53.200
And so, as hard as it is, and I love the way you phrase that, it's a nothing burger.

00:13:53.360 --> 00:14:00.399
As hard as it is to maybe sit in some of those moments, being like, actually, okay, I just need to, I need to sit in it for a minute, right?

00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:07.120
And then contacting somebody like you who's a neutral, that's right, non-tentional party to say, Hey, I need you to help me figure out a way out.

00:14:07.200 --> 00:14:09.519
And like you said, you'll be like, oh, there's five ways out of this.

00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:12.000
Let's figure out which one's gonna work best for you.

00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:13.279
That's right.

00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:17.679
And typically that is true, like I said, with very, very few exceptions.

00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:22.320
And you have to be willing to do what, you know, if you will take your medicine on it.

00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:28.480
But for a reduction of money stress, it's usually a pretty low price to pay.

00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:28.960
Yeah.

00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:32.879
Because money stress it affects everything, especially if you're in a relationship.

00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:37.840
It can be, unfortunately, it can be the unwinding of that relationship in the worst case.

00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:38.399
Yeah.

00:14:38.879 --> 00:14:48.399
So it's important to not, I don't know in what instance burying your head ever works, but it definitely does not work with finances.

00:14:49.279 --> 00:14:50.159
Totally.

00:14:50.559 --> 00:14:54.080
Let's circle back to those principles because I want to make sure we dive into those.

00:14:54.159 --> 00:15:00.879
And and I think as we talk about it, if we can touch on what that's like from uh an adult perspective, right?

00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:05.279
But then also what are some of the ways we weave these in as we're teaching our kids about money?

00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:06.320
Definitely.

00:15:06.639 --> 00:15:13.360
So the first, let me go hit the five, and then I really want to hit that modeling for children too.

00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:13.840
Yeah.

00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:18.799
So the five things are number one, and it's by far the most important.

00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:24.559
It's up here, and everything else is down here, which is that you spend less than you earn each month, period.

00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:27.519
And there's not a lot of nuance to that.

00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:30.480
There's not a lot of ifs, ands, and buts.

00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:32.960
You need to spend within your means.

00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:35.279
Some people call it spending within their means.

00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:36.240
That's number one.

00:15:36.399 --> 00:15:52.159
Number two, do you have two to five thousand dollars, depending on the size of your household, in cash, for the oopsies in life, the rainy day events, the car repairs, the dental work that needs to be done and not paid for by insurance?

00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:54.159
That's number two.

00:15:54.320 --> 00:16:04.080
Number three is you have an emergency savings, which is three to six months of your expenses for a total loss of income, not for the oopsies in life.

00:16:04.559 --> 00:16:08.080
So a total loss of income is usually due to one of three things.

00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:16.240
Obviously, job loss, some sort of health or medical issue that doesn't allow you to work, and divorce.

00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:21.039
Those are the big bankruptors out there now.

00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:26.639
So the fourth thing is that you are saving at least, right?

00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:28.000
I'm giving you a floor.

00:16:28.159 --> 00:16:29.840
Anything more is great.

00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:34.320
At least 15% to a retirement account somewhere.

00:16:34.480 --> 00:16:41.120
So that could be your employer is matching 4%, you're doing 11%, it could be any number of permutations.

00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:48.639
And then the fifth thing is that you're managing consumer debt, that your credit cards are paid off in full, or if not, you've got a plan to pay them all off.

00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:53.519
If you've got those five ticked, you are prosperous.

00:16:53.679 --> 00:16:54.960
Congratulations.

00:16:56.480 --> 00:16:58.159
You're absolutely prosperous.

00:16:58.320 --> 00:16:58.879
Yeah.

00:16:59.200 --> 00:17:04.880
And so now let's take on that other discussion that you you started about modeling for children.

00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:06.559
And people ask me this all the time.

00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:08.000
How do I model money?

00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:09.039
Good money habits.

00:17:09.279 --> 00:17:13.839
Here's the thing the children are like sponges, right?

00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:15.759
They only know what they see.

00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:19.839
You can tell them something 87 times, but they're only gonna know what they see.

00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:26.720
And so if you get like this the moment anyone mentions the name of your bank, they'll feel that.

00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:35.759
If every time you go to the ATM machine and look at the receipt, you freak out and you're in a miserable mood for the next half hour, that's what they're gonna see.

00:17:35.920 --> 00:17:41.839
If you and the other partner in the house are constantly fighting over finances, that's what they're gonna see.

00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:52.319
So there won't be any chance, no matter how many allowances you put into place and how many apps you use, you're not going to overcome the actual modeling.

00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:53.680
So, how do we fix it?

00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:57.920
Well, we reduce stress for the adults in the household.

00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:00.720
That's where we start.

00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:06.640
And so, this is the thing that I say to people, and they never expect someone like me to say this.

00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:11.440
They never expect the CFP to finance my whole career.

00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:17.920
The most important thing for your finances is your happiness.

00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:19.839
Period.

00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:21.519
That's it.

00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:22.880
There's no magic.

00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:31.440
If you're unhappy with your house, your relationship, your body, your job, you are going to bleed financially.

00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:41.119
Because you're either going to be self-medicating or self-appeasing or doing whatever it is, making bad decisions, you're gonna bleed financially.

00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:49.200
So the first thing I'm looking for as a financial advisor is how do we fill whatever gap is in this person's life to get that person some happy?

00:18:49.599 --> 00:18:51.759
Because I know that's gonna solve the other stuff.

00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:54.960
If you hate your job, let's get out of it.

00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:04.880
So again, that runs right in parallel on the modeling for the children.

00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:11.359
If you're in a miserable job because you think you have no other choices, because oh my gosh, what if we don't make as much money?

00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:13.599
They're seeing that too.

00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:20.480
So the first thing I do when I sit down with clients is I figure out is there a big gap?

00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:24.400
Is there a fundamental or systemic thing going on here?

00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:26.319
Sometimes there isn't.

00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:28.799
And then we can fix it from there.

00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:31.200
Those are great.

00:19:31.440 --> 00:19:32.400
I I love that.

00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:47.200
Just try to figure out like what is the block to happiness and use that the breadcrumbs to where your finances might be a little bit off or where you may be overcompensating or overdoing something because you're not filling yourself up here.

00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:48.960
That's it.

00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:56.319
My wealthiest clients drive rickety old cars, live in very simple homes, and they're thrilled, they're happy.

00:19:56.880 --> 00:20:04.319
And sometimes that's a personality type, and other times it's a learned behavior, whatever it is.

00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:11.119
But the contentment, that should be the greatest, that's the highest goal.

00:20:11.599 --> 00:20:13.440
Everything else will come from that.

00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:16.559
Yeah, that's such a great way to think about it.

00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:22.319
One of the things I'm curious about, and I I have uh for context, a 16-year-old.

00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:24.079
So I have a junior in high school.

00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:30.000
So we're we're to the phase right now where we're starting to bridge some of the things, right?

00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:36.720
Where it's like the it was a parent shared account, and now you know, now we're looking at, okay, like what's on the horizon?

00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:41.279
What are the more individual ones we can use to start building your credit and those kind of things.

00:20:41.599 --> 00:20:49.200
At that phase, what are some of the things you recommend for people as their kiddos are just taking those first steps?

00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:54.000
Like I'm looking for the sustainable, the developmentally appropriate, right?

00:20:54.079 --> 00:20:57.839
Like the financial steps that are gonna set her up for long-term success.

00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:06.400
And hopefully we've been like practicing those at home, you know, in large measure, like you're saying, we're not just like launching her and hoping she she'll magically overnight pick it up.

00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:18.240
But, you know, if some of the core skills are in place, what are some of the ways that you encourage parents to like help those initial first independent financial steps to happen?

00:21:19.200 --> 00:21:22.319
So I myself have a senior in high school.

00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:22.880
Okay.

00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:24.960
She's 18.

00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:32.079
And so when she hit ninth grade, I got her a high school checking account.

00:21:33.119 --> 00:21:37.759
In the same bank, I had my business accounts because I I don't really like our household bank.

00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:39.759
You could put it whatever bank you want.

00:21:40.319 --> 00:21:44.640
And she has an allowance and she works.

00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:52.960
And because her school, her high school doesn't have a cafeteria, we pay for two lunches a week.

00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:59.279
And I transfer that money on the first or second of the month when I remember to do it.

00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.400
And she has a debit card.

00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:06.799
And she can go ahead and use that.

00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:13.920
And I had to explain to her what a debit card was because she had one of those kind of copper cards or green light cards or whatever.

00:22:14.079 --> 00:22:17.839
Where and so she was used to mommy filling the card up.

00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:19.680
And I'm like, guess what?

00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:23.599
Mommy's done filling the card up.

00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:26.079
And she I had to sit and explain to her.

00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:31.920
I'm like, I used to fill that card up, but now it just links to your bank account.

00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:34.240
So you have to decide if you have enough money.

00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:39.440
We downloaded the app and she could see it and she deposits her little checks.

00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:40.960
She works at her gym.

00:22:41.359 --> 00:22:41.599
Okay.

00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:43.200
So yeah.

00:22:43.680 --> 00:22:45.519
So she has all of that.

00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:47.119
So she's learning all of that.

00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:55.200
But the most important thing is that the child learns what buyer's remorse is.

00:22:55.839 --> 00:23:00.960
They must learn how to value things, whether they're doing it with a debit card or they're doing it with something else.

00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:02.640
These are that's all icing on the cake.

00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:04.799
That's way down the line.

00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:07.119
Let me give you an example.

00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:14.640
When I don't know, I want to say third or fourth grade, third or fourth grade, the somewhere between, we went away with a family.

00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:17.759
We always travel with it, have a daughter, our daughter's age.

00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:19.519
She doesn't get allowance.

00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:21.519
My kid has always got an allowance.

00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:26.799
And they went into a little souvenir shop, and the other girl was like, Oh, here's this little red stuffed animal, and I really want it.

00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:29.359
And they used to just pay for whatever she wanted.

00:23:29.599 --> 00:23:31.759
And I'm like, okay, well, that comes out of allowance.

00:23:31.839 --> 00:23:32.960
If you want it, you can get it.

00:23:33.119 --> 00:23:34.559
So she bought it.

00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:39.440
The next day she comes in holding the thing and she's like, Why did I do this?

00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:42.079
I don't want this.

00:23:42.559 --> 00:23:44.960
And I'm like, You're mine now.

00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:47.359
Now you're mine.

00:23:48.079 --> 00:24:03.279
Now that you understand buyer's remorse and you understand the link between the green dollars going out of your account and this thing that you don't really like, you will always be able to make those trade-offs in your mind.

00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:06.400
And that is what allowance is for.

00:24:06.559 --> 00:24:11.839
And that is what the actual carrying of cash is for.

00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:16.079
That's what you want your kid to go to college with.

00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:18.160
I love that so much.

00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:20.880
And I am on the same page with you about allowance.

00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:24.400
Like kids need to be able to be practicing spending so that they know what it's like.

00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:26.240
But I had never thought about it like that.

00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:28.960
So that they can understand buyer's remorse.

00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:33.440
So that's like a core skill that they can take it launching into the world.

00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:34.319
That's fantastic.

00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:37.839
And again, it's like with the emotional part.

00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:40.799
As someone who works with families on emotional intelligence, right?

00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:44.799
A lot of times we want to try to save our kids from those moments, right?

00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:53.599
And if it's something we know they're gonna have buyer's remorse about, our inclination is maybe to say, like, you're gonna exactly you're gonna, you're not gonna want to have that tomorrow.

00:24:53.680 --> 00:24:55.039
You're not getting that, or don't get that.

00:24:55.200 --> 00:25:09.519
And so giving them the opportunity while they're under our roofs, right, to have those moments where we can then guide the learning after, as uncomfortable as it is to be like, you're gonna spend$37 that you spent a month and a half earlier.

00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:10.720
It's definitely uncomfortable.

00:25:11.119 --> 00:25:13.759
You know, they've had haircuts that have been uncomfortable too.

00:25:13.839 --> 00:25:16.240
They were like, you're gonna regret that haircut.

00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:18.960
Absolutely, yeah.

00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:26.000
But the idea of value is precious because I don't want her doing that at 25 with a Porsche.

00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:29.839
Yes, yes, I want her doing it at eight or nine.

00:25:31.279 --> 00:25:33.279
With the little red stuffed animal.

00:25:33.519 --> 00:25:43.759
Yes, and so that's the key because money and the ability to use the debit card and the ability to understand your checking account, those are great skills.

00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:47.839
Whatever, they're way downstream from managing your money.

00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:55.599
Your money is about valuing things and making sure your money is directed toward your priorities.

00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:56.960
That's what it's about.

00:25:57.119 --> 00:25:59.920
Anyone can give you a checking account, that's thus easy.

00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:01.200
I love that.

00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:02.000
Okay.

00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:09.359
Speaking of valuing your priorities, we're when we're talking about the cost of raising children, and this is a shift, right?

00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:13.680
So instead of teaching our kids how to use money, this is like the actual cost of raising kids.

00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:15.119
It's pretty high.

00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:20.799
So navigating the different costs associated with kids, what are some of the things you share with families around that?

00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:24.640
What are some of the things you encourage them to prepare for when kiddos are young?

00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:26.559
Walk us through your advice there.

00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:27.279
Yeah.

00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:31.599
I the first thing I say to people is I am not in the family planning business.

00:26:31.759 --> 00:26:33.359
That is not my skill set.

00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:35.519
I don't do that for a living.

00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:36.799
Okay.

00:26:37.519 --> 00:26:42.400
So when people come to me and they're like, I don't think we can afford another child.

00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:46.880
And my answer to them is that you can afford what you want.

00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:50.559
Are you willing to make the sacrifices for another child?

00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:54.960
And then when I outline what the sacrifices are, they can make an informed decision.

00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:57.440
It's okay as an answer.

00:26:57.519 --> 00:27:00.240
It's okay with me to say, no, I'm not willing to make those sacrifices.

00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:01.119
Fabulous.

00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:03.759
That's a well-thought-out decision.

00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:08.640
But it's not about, again, it's not about affording.

00:27:09.680 --> 00:27:15.279
It's about how is everything in your life pointed at your priorities and your values?

00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:17.920
The money's just a way of keeping score.

00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:20.000
People assign too much to money.

00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:21.599
It's just not that important.

00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:22.720
Right.

00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:42.160
And so, if, say, for example, I don't know, working, owning your own business is a value, or retiring early is a value, or being home at five when your kid kids are home from active, whatever, if all any of those things are a value, that's what I'm going to point everything at.

00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:46.559
It's no different here.

00:27:46.799 --> 00:27:59.519
But if your value is to send the kid to XYZ private elementary school, middle school, and high school, you better be working till nine at night because we can't afford it otherwise.

00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:02.400
But I want you to make that decision.

00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:05.519
I don't want it to just happen to your family.

00:28:06.960 --> 00:28:14.079
And so the first thing I always say about how much does it take to raise a child is what are we doing?

00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:15.359
What matters?

00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:16.880
Where do we live?

00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:19.119
What schools do we go to?

00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:20.880
What are we thinking for college?

00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:23.119
If college, what is all of that?

00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:26.079
Now, if you have a kid with special needs, that's a different story.

00:28:26.240 --> 00:28:30.480
And there is a whole lot of different economic issues related to that.

00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:36.079
But if you don't, then the question is, what are you expecting?

00:28:36.559 --> 00:28:40.319
What if your kid doesn't have the Ug boots that everybody else has?

00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:42.880
Is that not going to work for you or the kid?

00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:44.640
Then that's different.

00:28:46.960 --> 00:28:57.759
So it's not that I insist on putting everything right back into the client's lap, but it's it's a decision that has to be made by the adults in the household.

00:28:58.640 --> 00:28:58.960
Yeah.

00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:00.880
That's a great way of looking at it.

00:29:01.039 --> 00:29:06.160
And being able to get clarity on those values and priorities, that's a service, also, right?

00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:17.599
Having someone ask those questions you just asked and really putting things into a logical space so that you can make the decision both from very pragmatic, but also an emotional, right?

00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:19.119
Because our values can be emotional.

00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:24.640
So, okay, these are the emotional tethers I have, or these values are the ones that are most resonant with me.

00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:30.480
Here are the resulting financial decisions, or here are the resulting implications of those values.

00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:31.920
Is that what I'm hearing you say?

00:29:32.160 --> 00:29:33.680
Yes, that's exactly right.

00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:58.240
And so I do a lot of work, we do a lot of work helping people understand what the values and the goals of the household are because you've no idea how many couples, maybe you do, how many couples come to me and they've never discussed whether a private school or public school is what they, you know, one of them went from to private school, one of them went to public school, and they feel strongly, but they've never discussed it.

00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:03.680
You know, or they really must have this very this certain house that is in this certain place.

00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:05.519
I'm like, well, what's the school district?

00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:06.640
I don't know.

00:30:07.279 --> 00:30:08.160
You don't?

00:30:09.759 --> 00:30:11.039
You better know.

00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:19.039
So there's same with daycare and the early, because children are like barbells financially, right?

00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:27.599
There's the early financially, there's the early daycare and child care, and then they get cheaper for a while, and then there's college.

00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:35.440
It's a great way of so yeah, you're getting a little insight into my brain here, but I love it.

00:30:35.599 --> 00:30:37.680
So you need to be ready for that.

00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:42.880
And a lot of people are having children later, and what does that mean?

00:30:43.039 --> 00:30:49.279
Well, that means that the last one may be going through MIT when you want to retire.

00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:53.599
So we've got to think all that through.

00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:56.079
Yeah.

00:30:56.400 --> 00:30:56.720
Yeah.

00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:58.480
I love the way you phrased that.

00:30:58.559 --> 00:31:08.319

Ep 210: Why Buyer's Remorse Is the Most Important Financial Skill Kids Can Learn

Listen On

Recent Episodes