Helping Kids with Separation Anxiety

Lindsay Miller  0:23  
Hey! This is Lindsay and I'm so glad you're here on The Stress Nanny podcast to take your stress levels down a few notches. Today, we're going to do that by talking through separation anxiety. My chat is with Florence Ann Romano. And I just love this woman, her insights, her humor, she just has so much to share. She's going to talk us through different moments when separation anxiety may be cropping up. So you might be noticing it like sending kids off to camps or maybe doing you know day trips to places without you. There's a lot of opportunities for us to work through these types of separation anxieties during the summer. And she's gonna give us a ton of tips on how we can do that and how to kind of reframe the way we're thinking of post COVID recovery, and normalize it a little bit. So I'm so excited to share the episode with you. Here we go. 

Welcome to The Stress Nanny podcast. I'm your host, Lindsay Miller and I'm delighted that you're here. We're going to talk a little bit about how to reduce post lockdown anxiety in kids. We're seeing a ton of kids going out into school going in social settings and struggling to really reconnect and feel confident and comfortable. So today I brought in Florence Ann Romano again, you may remember her she's the Windy City Nanny. And she has a ton of different ideas and resources that we can use to help kids during this time when they're feeling a little bit more stress going out socially. So just as a reminder, Florence is a childcare and village advocate as well as an author and philanthropist who has always had a special place in her heart for children. She worked as a childcare provider for over 15 years and believes the key to a family success lies in focusing on what she calls the trifecta parent, child and caretaker working in unison toward common family goals. She's the co host of the podcast fingerpainting the future and her YouTube series when the city nanny sheds light on a variety of childcare challenges we see across the country. She has been featured on over 400 national and local media outlets across the country, including ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox TV affiliates, home and family the Jenny McCarthy show Sirius XM and more. Her loyal followers on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube have grown into a robust, engaged Social Media Village of moms, dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and childcare providers that grows larger every day. Florence, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so excited about our conversation.

Florence Ann Romano  2:47  
I'm so happy to be back. It's always good to see you. Thank you so much.

Lindsay Miller  2:51  
Yeah, and I love seeing you too. And I'm so grateful, because you have in this vast village that you've created connection to so many families, resources and caretakers. And so the the insights and tools that you offer are, you know, like widely used, and they're based on the input that you're getting from people all over, right?

Florence Ann Romano  3:12  
That's the best part about community I think is knowing that we're not supposed to have all the answers ourselves that we are able to look at to other people and what works for you and doesn't work for you. And what's the new idea that you have. And so this community, this village that we've built is really just invaluable when it comes to problem solving. And I think that's what we're always doing. But I think because of the pandemic, it feels like there's more problem solving happening at a greater pace. So it's really been an exceptional classroom for me to, to kind of hear what everyone's going through and how they're coping.

Lindsay Miller  3:55  
Yeah, yeah, no, and I totally hear that too. And the communities that I'm a part of, I'm hearing and seeing families who are like, My child was like this before COVID. And now in social settings, my child is like this, and I have no idea what to do, because I don't know what happened, you know, and so, being able to really collect insight input and, you know, resource build from that place of really far spread information is such a gift.

Florence Ann Romano  4:24  
Well, thank you. I appreciate collecting that information too. Because I feel like it helps me as an adult, not just children. So I do know there's a selfish, you know, kind of edge to that for me, Joe.

Lindsay Miller  4:36  
Yeah, I totally hear you. Yes, yes. Okay, so let's get into it because we're going to talk today about using post lockdown separation anxiety and kids and that's looking different from child to child and family to family. Right. Can you at least like as we get started, just give us a little bit of insight on what that might look like in a variety of situations.

Florence Ann Romano  4:56  
I think the the children that were affected the most At least from what I'm seeing, were the ones that were already having trouble socially. And when they were taken away from their community, they were given an excuse to not have to be social, you know, they were able to, you know, kind of hide behind that camera and that computer and, and not have to put themselves out there. And it's not just, you know, shy children. I mean, this is for everybody in the world where you kind of, if you don't ride that bike, you kind of lose start to lose that skill a little bit. So even for me who's like a highly verbose, you know, and loves people person, even I found myself after things started kind of going back and like, Okay, some in person meetings, some dinners, things like that. I was like, Well, wait a second, I don't know, if I want to be talking to someone like this, gosh, I'm exhausted from an hour conversation. I'm not used to doing that, and that interaction. So I think it helped me understand for children when they're working on this skill, this developmental skill that we all had to work on when we were younger. And yes, maybe you're more inclined to be a little bit more social than another child, but it still doesn't change the fact that we are all at a certain age working on that developmental skill on it just proved to me that we really don't change so much from childhood to adulthood, you know, we, we have to kind of practice what we preach, we have to continue to sharpen, you know, our teeth on all of these skills. And so it was actually a really good exercise, I think, for adults, because for that moment, we could probably relate to how a child feels because we were feeling things that they the children were trying to articulate to us felt uncomfortable or uneasy or were scared about. So I think it's one of the only times in life you're able to relate to a child in such a tangible way.

Lindsay Miller  7:02  
That's a really good point. And like being really clear emotionally, like what is going on for me matches a lot of boys what is going on for you, and we can bring that up, make it a thing that is just not part of our dialogue.

Florence Ann Romano  7:14  
Right. And knowing that, and this is a big point, too. I think during the pandemic, there was an I think I know, there were so many questions about what's going to happen, and what is this? And what's going to happen to our world and our health. And there were not answers. We everyone was trying to figure it out from the CDC to us, we're trying to figure out what this meant. And so not having the answers is a terrifying moment, I think for a caretaker or a parent, is there's no way to explain something that we don't even understand as adults. And if we don't understand it, how are we going to put it into words for a child to be able to understand. And so it that I think was a huge hurdle for a lot of caretakers and parents as they were trying to explain what the pandemic was. And as we got more of a handle on it, as we went it it did I think help parents relate again to their children, by showing that not knowing the answer is okay. It's an acceptable answer, not knowing and learning something together. You know, they always say like, you know, when you're on a plane, you don't start to freak out, unless you see the flight attendants freaking out or something like that. I think that's like, right. So I think that's like how kids think of adults, you know, like, I'm not gonna freak out unless I see mom or dad or my nanny or whoever, you know, freaking out. And I think a lot of people freaked out. I think the kids, we're seeing a lot of freak outs happen around because we're human, you know, you're watching the news, or like, What the heck is this? And you know, everything's changing every second. And so I think that adults trying to wrap their head around it, and then trying to digest that information, and then think, okay, now I have to put this in kid terms. And I don't even know how to talk about it with my spouse or my friends. Yeah. So I think that was also an an unbelievable moment. That was really humbling for adults about knowing that you don't have to have the answer. But you have to create that place for communication with your family and your children where you can express your fears, your anxieties, and know that you're not alone in it, and that you're going to work on those things together as a family.

Lindsay Miller  9:32  
Yes, yes, yes. And that's where I think that, like, it's powerful, because when we have to come up with those simple solutions, or simple ways of phrasing stuff for kids, right, it really does make us kind of sink deep into what's at the core of what we're feeling or experiencing because if you have to explain it in a three year old way, you really have to, like settle into it differently than like you're saying, if you're talking to friend or coworker and you can everyone's relating, you're like, Okay, it's From a three year old perspective, this looks like what Yeah, and if I'm the one looking out for my site right now, and I can't hold it together, which, you know, we've all had those moments, but how can I explain it in a way to them that makes sense and normalizes it will also is like empowering and connecting, because that's where I think the key is right is if we explain it in a way that like, gives them a sense of peace helps them understand what's going on makes it normal, like everyone is navigating this, this is just, it's normal to feel this way. Or it's normal for you to be in a, you know, a position where you're, you know, feeling this kind of angst or fear or whatever. And like how to work through work through those things in a three year old, four year old, five year old, eight year old, 10 year old way, right. As parents, we we learn a ton by engaging in that conversation.

Florence Ann Romano  10:51  
I love that, that that point, Lindsay, that you that by putting it into the perspective of those age groups, you learn something about yourself and about maybe your own extensive knowledge about the topic or even your own fears that you have. I think that that I always say to people, when I see different parents or nannies or caretakers, talk to children, it is one of my favorite moments to observe. Because sometimes I am so marveled by how someone can speak to a child, and how they put those put those thoughts into words. And if I know, it seems like maybe it comes naturally, but it doesn't. And even for me who was a nanny for, you know, 15 years, I'll be, you know, a child will ask me a question at one point, I'll be like, forgetting about how to, like put that into kid words, you know, and then there's a happy medium there too, right? It's, it's not also, you know, people say dumbing it down, but it's not distilling it. Let's say it's not distilling it down so much where you feel like you're doing that baby, talk to a child, you do want to have a back and forth, you know, kind of intelligence, cerebral, you know, conversation as well. There's a happy medium there. But just the idea of how you speak to children and how you edit informations for them to be able to understand it is a gift, I'm telling you, I'm constantly marveled by it.

Lindsay Miller  12:20  
Well, and that's where it's one of the things I love doing. And I feel like I have like a level of expertise with that, that's been fun to cultivate. But it does make such a difference when we speak like you're saying in a way they can relate to and that makes it real in terms that they understand. And it does create, like you said before, a sense of connection, like we're on the same page, they feel understood and seen, and so they feel naturally more safe. Right? Right. And then we also can, yeah, put ourselves in their shoes and be like, Oh, I guess the other day, I was thinking of it in terms of my daughter, and she was feeling nervous about something. And, and I was like, I think we need to stop for a minute and just recognize the amount of anxiety you've had to navigate in the last two years. Right? Yeah, it's more, it's more stress and anxiety combined in two years than what I have navigated in my 41. Yeah, like, and you've done it in 12. And so let's just honor that for a second. You know, like, just say, you're doing incredible right now, you know, you're, you're really doing fantastic. And we just need to get a few more tools, keep on going, and you know, it's gonna be okay. But putting all of that stuff like in a relatable, like contextualized conversation, it takes effort and intention, but it's so worth it. So worth it.

Florence Ann Romano  13:34  
That Lindsay, that you make a great point, first of all, your lucky lucky daughter gets you as a mommy, I mean, oh my gosh. So that's wonderful. But that view leads us to a great point about giving yourself a whole lot of grace during all of this, because that is a huge point that I tried to make to people over and over again, especially in in the village that I'm a part of, that. There's no way for us to get through this or have gotten through what we've gotten through without giving yourself that grace and giving it to other people too. Because it is hard. And it's more than certain people are ever going to deal with in their lifetime. And like you mentioned for children to have been going through this. I mean, I imagine you hope that it's probably one of the only hard things that they'll have to do in their life going forward. Maybe they don't have to do something like this again. Because I don't know I just I say over and over to myself again. I can't imagine being a child trying to have gone through this as an adult, it was so hard, but as a child, my goodness, you know, parents and I can even speak from from my own experience. So I have a brother who has autism who's only 17 months younger than I am so I'm 36 He just turned 35 And we are lucky that Michael is so he's so sweet and calm and just kind of pays the attention to whatever directions we give him. But there were people that you know, have special needs children that reached out to me and said, You know, I cannot get my child to wear this mask because they don't like things on their face, they have, you know, claustrophobic, whatever it might be. And so you imagine those challenges on top of everything else, you know, where a neurotypical child, perhaps you can explain why they have to do it, but a child who cannot comprehend that or has sensitivities, skin wise, or otherwise, the challenge that those parents or caretakers have had during COVID. And also kids, you know, not having the the therapies that they've needed not being able, you know, not being able to see people's mouths, you know, I mean, you could be the list can go on about the challenges that have happened. And I think that it's very easy for us to forget that there are families and children and adults that have special needs that that that that COVID exacerbated a problem and made it even more challenging than other families.

Lindsay Miller  16:08  
Yes, yes. And that's where I'm so glad you brought that up. Because that element of grace, like you talked about giving ourselves grace, and then you're so big on support, and building community and bringing in help and, and that's where I mean, I'm seeing I'm sure you're seeing I mean, parents, we have been through the wringer. Right. And like you're saying, in, in, in families where there are neurotypical children, like, it's been really hard. And in families where there are different kinds of needs, it's been extremely hard, you know, and how at this point, so many parents, teachers and caregivers have hit, like a wall, kind of in terms of their own ability to just like, give any more right to just keep on going. And so it's challenging now to be like, okay, and now we have to talk about how to help kids react, automate, like it's not done, right, because now we're seeing some of the social ramifications. And we're seeing some of the just the struggles that kids are having as a result, and it feels like parents have just run a marathon and someone asked him to do a 5k. On top of it. Yeah.

Florence Ann Romano  17:09  
analogy. Yeah,

Lindsay Miller  17:10  
wait a minute. And so you have some really, I love them clear and like specific ways parents can a kind of get some help and support, and then be the can start to kind of just help their kids in small ways to kind of just reenter society in the hopes that we get back to a place where all of that feels more normal. Can you share a little bit more about your community and how you kind of helped build community there.

Florence Ann Romano  17:35  
The idea of building community, I think, looks different in every village. And I think it feels different depending on what your needs are an example, I think, from what a story that I heard from, from our our community, was this idea of the kids not wanting people to see their face, that's what the mom was saying to they didn't want them to see their face. And this child was not necessarily a child or a shy child or anything like that. They just didn't want to be seen that way. And I think that we forget, when you grow up, and you go back to your grammar school mind or your high school mind and getting through school like that, you know, there were different challenges, you know, hormone wise, and everything that was going on. And sometimes you really just want it to be invisible. And I think the pandemic gave us all a chance to really do that. And when you got used to, you know, being able to be invisible and be in your yoga pants and not have your makeup on or you know that video, you could turn it off or whatever it is it just it made us less accountable, I think as as a society, and it made it easy for us to to not engage. And I think that the big concern that parents had, and what they said to me was okay, they don't want it, they don't want to show their face. Okay, I cannot understand why that's happening. But I'm worried about developmentally going forward than how that's going to affect them from a social aspect. Are they going to be able to reconnect with friends or make friends? Or where did their confidence go? You know, or how do I work on confidence with them? And so I think that is a way for at least this is in my mind, a tip for doing it because I don't want parents like you said to feel like here's another enormous mountain that we have to climb and I have no idea how to do it. Let's let's equate it to something that we can all probably get on the same page about we've all experienced this. So remember in the days where Okay, there was no COVID And you would went on summer break and then you were going back to school and you had to transition going back to school from summer break and things were lazier and you know there was no homework necessarily and you were kind of going to bed at whatever time you wanted. And you needed to apply more structure and more accountability and all that sticks, there's my wink at it is let's go back to that mindset of something you know how to do and you parents know how to do that start to get your kids ready for that transition back to school from summer. So think about that here, apply those skills here. And it's about getting back to a routine. It's about getting back to asking people for help, whether it's carpool or tutors or this or that, or setting up playdates. It's, it's, it's something we know how to do. But I think we just need to rebrand it and think, Okay, this is what we used to do for going back to school from the summer. But now these are the same skills we're going to apply to coming out of the pandemic.

Lindsay Miller  20:42  
Yes. Oh, that's so powerful. I love that because you're right, it does take so much of the overwhelm out of it, right? Like, okay, no, I know how to do this. This this, I can do it. Yeah, like a playdate at the museum. Or I saw some kids meeting up. There's like a sports store here that has this huge aquarium the other day, and it was so cute. And the moms, you could tell they were kind of trying to help these little three year old, you know, preschool age kids, like interact, and like, Oh, do you want to ask your friend if this? And moms are great at that, right? Like, yeah, dads are great at just like introducing your child to a new friend. And so taking the pandemic off of it, and just being like, we're just transitioning just like back to school, or just like, I love that so much. And okay, and you talk a lot about communication, right? Both with kids and with their caregivers in terms of like, here's, here's kind of where we're at, let's keep the lines open. How is that? Can you rebrand that a little bit for us, instead of like bringing the whole weight of COVID forward into this moment? How can we communicate in a way that states our child's needs without, you know, making it overwhelming for everyone,

Florence Ann Romano  21:46  
I'm a big advocate of, you know, depending on the age of the child, depending on the child's emotional intelligence or capabilities, about asking kids what they know, I, you know, instead of talking at them, you know, it's about asking them how much they know about a situation, whether it's a global event, or you know, like the pandemic or your or, or anything like that. It's, it's, it's getting them to start talking. Because when you can start to get an understanding of their perspective of the situation, then you're going to be able to be like, Okay, I got it, I know how to edit this down now, because this is what they understand. I can fill in the gaps this way. And it also gives children a moment in time where they feel like they're being seen, heard and understood, like that connection in that moment. Okay, someone cares about how I feel. And one example of it I would give is the idea that, and then this is a best friend of mine, her daughter during the pandemic was so scared of like, where COVID was like, is it? Is it on the countertops? Is it on someone's like, what is it, she was young at the time, and one day, she found a piece of bread, and it had mold on it, just a little bit of mold. And she ran to her mom and said, Mom, COVID and was yelling and screaming. And you know, her mom was like, no, no, it's not me, he was trying to explain, but that was just a really great example of like, in the mind of the child. What is COVID? This invisible thing? You know, is it did I find it is it. And so it's the ideal, also, to your point about communication? Yeah, explaining COVID is hard. But that's not the point. It's the idea of what is the fear. So a lot of children are afraid of hugging someone holding someone's hand all of that, because we've been told not to touch, don't breathe on mass, all that sort of thing. So if they're seeing you, the parent on those plates, or whatever it is, you give your friend a hug, you know, you hide, or whatever it is, they start to feel comfortable, or it gives them permission in some way, that they're able to, to participate in that. You know, that physical activity in that way, because children are loving and sweet and want to wrap their arms around you and play and, you know, be physical in that way. And so if they've been told for years now, and if that's the only world they know that not to touch, don't breathe on someone else that they need to be given permission in that way, even as subtle as it is that it's okay to do that. And it's also the idea of me giving them a space to talk about what they're afraid of when it comes to that too. Maybe they don't want to go on that play date because they're afraid they're gonna get sick. And you know, and they'll give them an opportunity to communicate that to you. But the only way you're going to have this open line of communication with your children, is if you start from the beginning that they know it's a safe place for them to have a conversation and that you're not going to shame them for any questions that they ask you or embarrass them because kids are always afraid of being embarrassed. We are afraid of being embarrassed as adults to so that that I think is my biggest point and advice to families is, what does communication really mean? And if you break it down the way that we just did I think that that is accessible. Yes,

Lindsay Miller  25:15  
it I love the way you phrase that because it's exactly that right? As long as they know they can come to you with anything with whatever, like you're going to be okay everyone in the house, they're going to be okay. Because there's going to be an openness and there's going to be problem solving, and there's going to be space for everyone to be having their own experience, whatever that looks like. But it's when they don't feel seen and heard when they don't feel like their voice matters, or what they're struggling with is important or valued by the people around them that, that they struggle, right. And none of us as parents and caregivers, like that's never the message we want to send but sometimes inadvertently, right? And like there's a disconnect, and we're not necessarily meeting them where they're at, or we're saying like, don't be worried about that. And they're

Florence Ann Romano  26:02  
not helpful. Even as an adult like Lindsey, if your friend says like, Oh, don't worry about that. You're like, not helpful, thank you. I'm not gonna make me stop worrying.

Lindsay Miller  26:13  
No, and I had one of my clients the other day, she was her she was talking to her parents and her dad said, I'm, you know, just don't don't don't think about that anymore. And her mom, her mom said it was such a big win, because in that moment, usually that would have sent her into a bit of a tailspin, you know, and she would have gotten upset and even more frustrated, because it was like, I just said, what I needed. And no one heard me. But in that moment, she said, that is not helpful to me. Yeah. Oh, that's a beautiful, what a profound moment. Yeah. And sometimes as parents, we can escalate those moments, right? And we can say, you know, again, we're tired, we're exhausted, it's been a long day, we have no idea whatever it is, but we can take those moments and say, like, oh, well, I don't know how to help you, instead of being like, you just articulated something really important. Thank you for letting me know, that wasn't helpful. Right?

Florence Ann Romano  27:04  
Oh, I love that. I'm gonna use that in my own adult life with someone helpful to me. I read, but it's true. I mean, you think about you the other day, I was just on Instagram. And I was sharing a bunch of information about stuff. And one thing I shared was a repost of someone saying it took me until I was 40 years old, to realize that when I'm talking to a friend or a loved one, that I need to ask, are you looking for advice? Or are you looking just to vent, and like, that was like, you know, an explosive moment. And my community also had that like, wow, moment. And it wasn't even just in that thinking of in the minds of our friendships, but in the also talking to your older children about wondering if that's the moment that they're looking for with you. And I just, I was like, looking at myself, like, make a mental bookmark of this the next time you're like talking to a friend or doing something like that, because that was just like, wow, moment.

Lindsay Miller  28:06  
I love that. Yes, yes. And the way, the way I ended up usually phrasing it and it took me so long to come to that, too, is like, Do you need a listener? Or do you need a problem solver? Yeah. It's like, what what are you looking for? Because I can offer you there one, right, I can offer whatever you need. But I think like exactly what you said, it takes the pressure off of the listener to, if you're like, trying to engage and trying to be like, Oh, my gosh, I don't know what to do. I feel so bad for this person. And maybe you don't have to do anything, but hold space. And like you're saying for kids, right now a lot of our job is to hold space for this crazy wild adolescence or childhood that they're experiencing and be like, I'm here for it, whatever it is, I'm here for it.

Florence Ann Romano  28:48  
That is such a beautiful way of putting it holding space. And I, you know, I, it's as you grow up, you know, you you see how parenting changes, right? You know, the what worked for our parents isn't necessarily going to work for us as parents, and that's okay. But what I one thing, one thing I credit my mom with is, you know, years ago, before safe space was a trendy word. My mom was that and she I don't know if anyone taught her how to do that, or what or just came naturally to her but Mom always was that person, my friends or myself could go to and feel like they can ask any question. And that was a huge game changer for me growing up because so many of my friends, parents were not that to them. They didn't want to talk about their periods. They didn't want to talk about sex ed, they didn't want to talk about problems they were having like with romantic issues when they were young, you know, and feelings of crushes and all that. But my mom never ever made me feel shame for anything I would talk to her about. And I just think she was in a lot of ways was kind of a mama ahead of her time with all of that, because I didn't see that I saw her more as the exception to the rule. And I feel now in this world, we're seeing that more the rule than the exception, which I love seeing that change in society that change in parenting, but I definitely credit my mom with, with with giving me that space when I was young. Yeah,

Lindsay Miller  30:25  
well, I'm so grateful you share that story, because I think it illustrates the power of what it can do. Because I mean, your the ability you have now to create that space exponentially, right? I mean, like, she gave you the gift of creating in your home, and now that's the space you create in the world. Right? Like you come here. I'm, you know, like, whatever you're experiencing, it's okay, it's safe and welcome here. We can work through it. And and it just, I want to honor that, because I think that's such a powerful gift that you that you offer.

Florence Ann Romano  30:54  
Oh, thank you, you're gonna make me cry. Lindsay, thank you. That is I mean, like, we stand on the shoulders of giants, right? You know that, you know, mom had a great saying, growing up, take what Dad and I did, right and use it and take what we did wrong and lose it. That is not the best thing ever. It it's it really is the truth. And we always joke with my mom saying like, listen, we're gonna lose most of what dad said, okay, right with you, we'll keep it but you know, I you know, but it's just, it was so simple. That advice was so simple. And I think in my life, you know, I've used that in so many ways of like, Hey, this is something I learned when I was younger, that is not going to serve me as an adult, and I don't think is going to serve I, I as a child, remember how this felt? And I don't want to do that with other children? And isn't that the cycle of parenting, right, you know, is, you know, changing it for the future. But you have to learn. And I think that's what we've also learned during all this pandemic stuff is learning that, you know, that old that saying, you know, you never know how strong you are until you have no other choice? Well, that's basically what living through the pandemic was, we had no other choice but to get through it. And imagine the people that lost people during that time and how COVID affected them in different ways. You know, we were lucky in our family, we had people that were affected by COVID, but and one very severely, but she survived. And so when it touches you in a different way, it changes your perspective of the experience. And I think that's one thing we have a hard time in today's world doing is we don't agree to disagree anymore, we either are on the same page or hate each other. Everything is so polar, everything is so extreme. And I think our world became more polarized through the pandemic to because of hurt people's personal feelings about how people were handling it or their perspective of it. And so now here we are in this, you know, post pandemic world that we're trying to figure out, and relationships, again, we have to put an emphasis on it, it has to be important, it has to be a priority. Well, how do we navigate those relationships that maybe are broken or strained, or whatever it is because of what happened during the pandemic. And we cannot possibly think we're going to teach our children how to have healthy relationships when we ourselves, maybe didn't navigate those relationships in the best way during COVID. So there's a lot of self actualization and self exploration, I think that's needed to happen from the adult side that we hope trickles down in a positive way to children.

Lindsay Miller  33:36  
Yeah, that there were so many gems in there. So

Florence Ann Romano  33:42  
that was just like, I just went off and down a rabbit hole. I had taken a breath there.

Lindsay Miller  33:48  
I loved it. No, I'm no, I'm just still processing what you said. Because I think you're right, like the amount of self awareness that this has brought up and continues to bring up is significant. And I think, I think what you're describing is a population that's maybe not quite used to that level of self awareness and kind of sifting through it and, and our initial reaction, usually when we're cultivating self awareness is, is to be kind of a little nervous about what comes up, right? Like we don't always it's not always pretty what comes up when we're kind of, you know, digging deep to see why we're responding a certain way or what's kind of triggering us in in a given moment. And I love what you just described, like reframing it as an opportunity, not only to deepen our connection with ourselves, but to deepen our relationships with other people and our kids. Because that's what that self actualization, self awareness, that's what has the potential to do, if we, you know, give ourselves the opportunity to process it skillfully.

Florence Ann Romano  34:49  
I think that's that's what's so important to write is the idea of knowing that the self exploration is not only encouraged rigid but necessary, I think in our lives, and we should never stop learning. There's a old saying, you know, if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. And I always think about that I am. And believe me, I am always in the right room, because the smartest person in there, and you know, it's the idea that you know, you're becoming who you're becoming is one of my favorite favorite quotes. And I just love the idea that we're constantly learning and we should be and challenged and all that. And I think it's important for our kids to know too, that their growth is important. And their their exploration of themselves and their friendships and their communities and their careers and everything like that, that, that if it's important to them, it's important to us, it's an important if it's important to your friends, it's important to your group, your tribe, you know, your community. And I think from the youngest age, we can let our children know that you just care as simple as it is that you just find people in your life that care about how you feel. That is that's the that's the priceless stuff of life. You know, that's the unteachable stuff on it, even though that's the irony of it is you have to teach it, but it don't you meet those people. Sometimes we were like, how did you learn to be that way? And you know, that came from somewhere. But then sometimes you just look at people and think that's just you, you that just oozes from just like your soul. And like, can we bottle that and teach that to people? I think that's like, one of my biggest curiosities as an adult, is like looking at adults and wondering like, how did you get to be this person? Because I want to take some of that I want to siphon some of that, like, you know, so I think if we all could be a little bit more curious like that about people and seeing the best in people and seeing the things that we would like to emulate or learn from, gosh, maybe that would be a big, a big ripple effect movement, I think for for our society.

Lindsay Miller  37:04  
Yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure. This has been so fun. I think at the end of the day, one of the things that I have talked about a lot is this idea of mindfulness being knowing what's going on inside of you, knowing what's going on outside of you, and then making a choice on purpose. Oh, I love that. Oh, it's a way to like recognize that like what you're saying about this self awareness, before feeling triggered by something. It's not no judgment on ourselves, right? Everyone's feeling triggered about so many things right now. Oh, yeah. Just like notice it, take that deep breath. Notice that little person next to you, and what it may be if something they said triggered, you just create space for there to be communication in there, right. So like the skillful action for it. And the intentional choice from there is like, okay, let's talk about this. Or let's give ourselves a minute and then talk about this or like, I can appreciate your response, you know, just not letting our, our experience of whatever's going on right now be the thing that closes off communication, but rather opens it. Yeah, you've done such a masterful job of illustrating that today. And I'm so grateful.

Florence Ann Romano  38:10  
Thank you, Lindsay. You You've given me so much to so much to marinate here in my brain, I you just everything you say I just No wonder your students, the people you help are just so desperately in love with you, because you just have a way of, of connecting, that is so beautiful, and so genuine. And I think, gosh, we need more people like you in this world. That's for sure. So I'm glad and grateful you do this podcast because it is definitely like we talked about ripple effects today. You are definitely a big ripple. So thank you for having me.

Lindsay Miller  38:41  
Thank you so much. Can you tell us where people can find you?

Florence Ann Romano  38:45  
Sure. got Instagram, I answer every DM I get so go to you know, Florence and just look me up just Florence and I'll be there. Also my website fonts and.com. I've got blogs after blogs after blogs and tons of resources for you to help you through all the moments. But I like to think of myself as your virtual village. There's no dumb question. And you know, if you just need someone to see you hear you, I'm here for you.

Lindsay Miller  39:09  
Thank you. It's been such a pleasure.

Florence Ann Romano  39:12  
Thank you.

Lindsay Miller  39:13  
Thank you again for being here. I hope that you enjoyed this episode and that there were some takeaways for you most especially I hope you just feel the deep compassion that Florence and I both have for just the the job that it is right now to help guide kids through this post pandemic world with all that it entails. So kudos to you for making the effort and should you need any support we are here and hopefully these words you know can be called to mind in moments when you're struggling or when you could use a little extra dose of self compassion. As always, I appreciate it when you take just a minute to leave a review. You can go to www.ratethispodcast.com/thestressnanny to leave a review and reviews help other people find on the podcast and help people understand like what kind of audience you know is listening. So if you just say you know what you love about it or what it helps you do. That's really helpful for other listeners who are looking for some extra support, speaking and people looking for extra support. If you know someone who would benefit from this episode or if you thought of a friend's child while you were listening, please please forward it onto them and help them connect with Florence Ann's wisdom and the ideas that we share here to help kids just move forward from this crazy couple of years in a more whole way. Thank you again for being here. I'm so grateful. Feel free to subscribe if you're not already so that you get an episode every week. Until next time!

Transcribed by https://otter.ai