How can I let go of emotional baggage from divorce?

Lindsay Miller  0:22  
Hey there. This is Lindsay. Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. I'm excited to share this one, my guest is Erin Breeze. And she's going to talk us through some ways of thinking about divorce a little differently. I know when really hard things happen, at least in my own life, I have to kind of come up with new narratives because when life didn't go the way that I thought it would, or the way that I planned, I didn't always have the words or the tools to navigate the new experiences. So Erin helps moms who are divorced, to navigate life in a way that's really empowering. And I hope you can connect with her message today. And I know that divorce is not something that all of us navigate individually. But we all know someone who is divorced or is experiencing divorce right now. And so her insights are applicable I think on two levels, one for people experiencing or supporting those experiencing divorce, and then two, for practicing reframing. When things don't go exactly the way we think. This episode is brought to you by the essential calendar, which is an 18 by 24 wall calendar. Moms can use to sit down for an hour and get organized for three months, and the whole family can see what's going on and moms can keep track of the schedule. You can get it at www.thecentralcalendar.com. Now on to the episode. 

Welcome to The Stress Nanny podcast. I'm your host Lindsay Miller and I'm delighted that you're here to stress less about divorce. My guest today is Erin Breeze. Erin is on a mission to change how we all talk and think about divorce, and how families affected by divorce experience it. Erin's specialty is in helping moms celebrate their marriage as complete in order to step fully into their true purpose and positively transform their family through their divorce. Erin believes all women have the power to make their divorce their own divine disruption, and opportunity to awaken. Using happy home methods errands clients strengthen their relationships with their kids access new levels of joy and fulfillment and achieve greater success in all areas of their lives. Erin is an expert guide and strategist drawing from over 20 years experience in conflict transformation, change management, culture, building women's leadership and spirituality. She's a divorced mom of two girls and can often be found running or playing along the coast near their home in Long Beach, California. Erin, thank you so much for joining me today.

Erin Breeze  2:48  
Thanks for having me. It's great to be here.

Lindsay Miller  2:51  
Ya know, we connected shortly after a podcast I did several months ago around divorce. And one of the things we connected around was the opportunity that we have as individuals either experiencing divorce or supporting other people who are experiencing divorce, to reframe the conversation around divorce. And you brought up some really interesting points that were so intriguing to me then, and have only gotten me more curious, the more you and I have connected in the interim. So I'm excited to dive into those today. Because as we chat here on the podcast, fairly often we talk about reframing, and how the simple act of reframing a belief around something or a tendency can help us to really access different levels of peace inside us because we can let go of some of the stress. And I feel like divorce is one of those things that we can carry a lot of stress and guilt about, right?

Erin Breeze  3:45  
Absolutely, absolutely. And where I really like to begin with a conversation around divorce is this idea of a failure because there's so much shame and blame and guilt associated because of this frame of failure. And to me it's like, doesn't even make sense to use success, like a pass fail on a relationship just doesn't. It's like the it's a completely wrong, in my view, like thing to apply, right. It's a relationship. And so I think starting there, because a lot of the pain that I see in clients and just in the world around is the sense that I failed. Like if my marriage didn't last, then I'm somehow a failure. And part of what I feel like is exciting about divorce, that bigger conversation is that, you know, we got to change the paradigm of how are you been looking at, at relationship, this idea that longevity on its own is somehow a measure of success is just very old thinking and that if we can just like take that away. Everybody can just really find a completely new path from divorce if we stop doing the failure part of it.

Lindsay Miller  4:56  
Yeah, thanks so much for bringing that up. Because I think that When we're mired in that, you know, and I think it tends toward a lot of backward looking like, What could I have done differently? How could I have, you know, made this outcome change? Or what did I do wrong? Or how? And I think that there's, there's some aspects of that, that just were human and our brains do that, right? They spin forward and they spin backward. But what are some of the things you see in the clients that you work with when they're kind of stuck in that guilt and shame? Space?

Erin Breeze  5:27  
Yeah, well, I mean, one of the things that I I say often, and it's not always what everybody wants to hear, but I do believe if divorce has happened, your marriage lasted the length, it was intended to last, it wasn't about figuring it out to have a or have, you know, doing something differently to make it work, like this whole idea of like making something work. Like, let's look at the things that we're willing to give up in our lives to make something work like this is also part of very, very old, in my view, like paradigm of what the institution of marriage is supposed to be where you're gonna, like, make a vow until death do us part. And so all of this, like, no matter what, well, let's really look at that, because in my view, part of what excites me about this bigger conversation is that we don't want marriages lasting past their, their sort of intended date. And then if divorce is here, I don't like this is a big deal. You don't get married to get divorced. So we can trust that people really did their best to figure out how to move forward. So let's just take that off and know that like, it's here. So we know we worked really hard to sort of not have this happen. And if it's here, it is really here for us. And then how can we, how can we dishonor that? How can we honor that if it's here, our marriage really wasn't intended to last beyond that, and then start to really explore and gives ourselves permission to be honest about what wasn't? What wasn't thriving about the dynamic about the relationship. Yeah,

Lindsay Miller  6:59  
and one of the things you do, which I think is incredible, is you help women kind of come alive, post divorce, right, and I appreciate the way you just phrased that, like, what, what wasn't alive, you know, and I think that looking at relationships in terms of their ends, it can sometimes feel scary, right? And like you're describing it, a lot of heart heart work goes into that, right. And we've we've come to a place where like, oh, my gosh, all that I've invested in this, I'm going to shift the way I'm thinking about it now. Right. And certainly, and I love the way that you support women in like looking toward the potential, you know, taking that guilt and shame and you help transform it into growth and into opportunity. And talk me through what that looks like. Because I think for someone who's maybe listening who's experiencing divorce, has recently experienced it, or someone who's listening and has someone dear to them navigating divorce, like this, this is what we want to see, right? You want to see people finishing a relationship, taking what they can from it, and then thriving afterward, instead of getting mired in, like guilt or angst that the relationship ended. So talk us through that bridge that you take people like okay, this is here, it's happening. And now look what's in front of you.

Erin Breeze  8:20  
Absolutely. And there's a couple of things that I would love to touch on based on what you just said. And one is so I call divorce a divine disruption. And what I mean by divine disruption is that it is a life disruption, so huge, that it does have the potential to be an awakening for anybody, because it touches all aspects of your life. But it's a choice. You don't have to allow it to awaken you, if you don't want to. And to your point of like the scariness of it it is a metamorphosis, its transformation. And most of us haven't been taught how to how to go through it. So what happens is, we notice scary feelings, fear darkness, like all these things, and we start to internalize that, especially, especially as women, we often internalize that and think it's something's wrong with me that I'm having these feelings because what we don't know is like, no, that's just the symptoms of the stage of a part of transformation, or the part of metamorphosis. And once you start to understand, like, Oh, this is normal, and it's just what I have to go through, and we become, you know, part one of the things that I often say is like we over time, and I do want to take a pause and just say to listeners, like everything I'm saying just trust that wherever you are in the process is right for you. And then it's okay, if this feels really hard. Right now, like, especially if you're in the early stages, and some of this feels like Well, that sounds great, but how that doesn't sound at all, like how I'm feeling just please know that it's wherever everybody is, is exactly okay. And that there are just stages of it and that we're on on our own trajectory for healing and growth and all of that. And so, some of what I'm saying can be hard to hear and that's okay. So just take kind of breathe through it and be honest with yourself and supportive of wherever you are, wherever you are, if you are listening and going through this, but trust that any of the stuff that feels really painful is part of your transformation. And what's exciting to me about transformation is that if we choose it really, it really is this process of awakening, of realizing our greatest potential of being able to step more fully into our purpose as as women as humans. And in that way, that's that's really, that can become why divorce for us is this divine disruption, it's this opportunity to awaken to who we are, and it's okay that that feels scary. It's also give it that feels scary.

Lindsay Miller  10:48  
I love that analogy of metamorphosis, I mean, makes you think of the butterfly and the cocoon and the realization that, like you said, is that darkness is a natural part of the process. And, and I think that process thinking is so key here. And I would love to hear you speak more to this. Because I think especially in our current psychological climate, we're really quick to slap labels on stuff on people on behaviors. And well, sometimes that can be useful for finding solutions and narrowing down what might be helpful. I actually think in the long run, a lot of times it like burdens us with additional baggage that we're kind of carrying, because it's a, it's usually a label about how something's not functional in us like and kind of, like you said, we can really internalize that and turn in on the label, like create it kind of as part of ourselves. And one of the things I just love about what you do is that you kind of just set all that aside, and say, choose your own adventure from here, right? Like, don't let those labels stick, you know, whatever people are trying to slap on you, or throw on you, or whatever people are, you know, whatever ways they're creating, understanding from your experience, whatever they're, you know, recognizing as the problem or how went, you know, what, what could have gone differently, those things aren't serving. And so if you can just kind of let them slide off of you, and go into your cocoon, like you're saying, and really just, like, hone in on what's inside you and what can emerge as a result of this. It's just so much more powerful than than labeling, like, what went wrong,

Erin Breeze  12:23  
right. And I was just thinking of that word wrong, nothing wrong has happened. And that's our mistake is that we culturally have this idea that something wrong has happened. So then everybody's feeling well, if something wrong happened, who's to blame, and then I have to feel guilty that the wrong thing not only happened to me, to my partner, but to my children, and then when our kids are in the middle of it, then we really get stuck in this wrong, like, if this wrong thing, then it creates so much pain, not only wrong thing happened to me now wrong thing has happened to my kids. And all of that is not necessary. Yeah, all of that is not necessary. But it's so familiar. We're used to that story. And because we don't know how to navigate through the end of relationship, and the becoming of a new family dynamic, and system and unit and version of ourselves, like because we're not familiar with the process. And it's scary, then, you know, we don't it's like, well, what's the alternative? Okay, I guess the right, somebody failed, something's wrong. And we get really stuck there. And one of the things about metamorphosis, and I also I work with the I work with the monarch butterfly, in particular with the metaphors inside the programming that I do, because it's so I love remembering that like to go into the cocoon, I mean, the inside the chrysalis, the caterpillar digest itself, it turns into goo. And that's scary. It's like What the f is happening, right? Like what's happening. I mean, it could like I'm goo now. But it's, that's what's the potential for all of the emergence, right? Because, and to get a little geeky, because I love the science of it. The part of the caterpillar that holds the key, the DNA is called imaginal disc. So inside the caterpillar, when they turn into goo with their enzymes, the imaginal discs, or the unlock DNA that have all of the the code for the wings, and the antenna and all the parts that will emerge, but they can't come forth, right if it hasn't first gone into this process. And so, I do think that it's so it's such a beautiful metaphor to remember like, it's okay that it's scary. It is dark in there, right? And it's, you don't know how you're gonna emerge, but the potential you are moving toward the light and that this is this opportunity to, to really grow beyond anything you've experienced yet in your life.

Lindsay Miller  14:44  
Yes, that's so inspiring. I love that metaphor. I live in metaphors. So that speaks to me deeply. And I think to just the imaginal disc, because I think what you're saying is, it's time to imagine a different outcome after For this experience, and that's what your programs are about. And I know, you know, for one of my friends who, who participated in one of your classes, she was talking about how, after she listened, she started to imagine all the ways that her boys would be better off in a different situation, you know what I mean? Like, and how, and before all the only dialogue she kind of had going, was, it wasn't gonna go, Well, you know, this isn't going to end well, this is going to be the problem this is going to be, and that was all she kind of had to work with. Because culturally, that's generally where the attention goes. And she said that, you know, like, once she had engaged with the way that you thought about it, it just opened up so many ideas about like, what the potential was, if she wasn't dragging around something anymore, that Rena was really just giving her such a struggle in so many ways. And so I mean, I can speak to your, you know, your metaphors from that experience with her because she just, she was so much lighter, you know, and she just had a different kind of hope and optimism around something that before had felt so heavy to her.

Erin Breeze  16:06  
Oh, I'm so happy to hear that. And absolutely, it is here for us. And it's here for our kids. And how do I know because it's here. If it weren't in this is, you know, this is a part of like a choice to operate with a belief that life is happening for me, not to me, right. And if we choose that the gift in that for people experiencing divorce is that gets to be true for our kids, too. And I do believe it is just inherently true. But that can sometimes be where we get a little stuck. It's like, okay, I can get to this place of peace that the relationship wasn't serving me. Whoa. But now like, how do I get come to peace with it also, as an as what's happened for my children, but but when we start to make that shift and see all of the possibilities, it's really, it's it's so expansive. And that's what I think I want especially like, I'd love just to offer anybody going through this as either like, directly or knowing somebody, it's like, help them see what's possible coming out of this, right. Like, this can be expansive, right. And I think sometimes when we're going through it, everything feels like it's collapsed on on us because everything in your life is affected. And so it does have that, I turn that into what I feel is one of the divorce advantages, which is a does require you to take stock like to do this life inventory, because everything has just has just come on down or collapsed or just shifted, right. But if we keep going, what that allows us to do is to do this, this reckoning have this really honest inventory of like, okay, well, this is here, if I'm going to choose to operate with everything that's happening here. Even the hard things is here for me, not to me, then let me start to assess where do I want to go from here? And where, what what am I ready to unlock or discover within myself, right. And that's what of course makes it this awakening and this, this really this invitation to thrive out of divorce? And it's like, what if we were celebrating the potential to thrive when divorce is happening for ourselves and our kids? It's like a totally different meaning that we're making. And then as you said, if the story that we're telling ourselves shifts, then the ending shift, right, like, oh, we suddenly it is choose your own adventure. I love those books that are like, Oh, we're gonna get to page 81 or 94, which NDA? Right. But so many new things start to to come forward for us that before just weren't even on our radar. Yeah.

Lindsay Miller  18:39  
imaginal discs? Yes. I love that. And I think too, when we're honoring the process, like you said, right? We're not bypassing the dark, you know, for any member of the family who's navigating the experience. We're not shoving anyone through their cocoon time. We're making them move from their goo before they're ready. Right. But we are engaging with the mindset that that's just a stage and is not the end, and that the goo is not forever.

Erin Breeze  19:08  
Absolutely, no, the goo is not forever. And guess what, there's going to be more goo and we want to teach our kiddos, how to go through the goo. And that's one of the things that excites me also about divorce bringing to us, those of us raising kids in the middle of it too, which can again bring so much extra pain or suffering or guilt. To me all of those again, it's the way that we look at it and I love that you're saying we're not bypassing this isn't like Pollyanna, like Oh, it's great. Let's just be it's not that it's like no we're gonna embrace every part of this to honor the lived experience of everything that went before so that I can truly with gratitude, honor all of the journey for myself and my former partner and the children if there are children involved who have emerged right and and just in not have I have a whole perspective that that is grateful for the journey because we can't pick and choose our story like of the things that have already are here that brought us here. So really getting to a place of peace of like, okay, I see how this was here for me. And now I can show my kiddos. Yeah, sometimes life doesn't go how we thought so then what? And what's that process look like? And I feel like that's this beautiful advantage to where we can our children get to witness us facing adversity, facing resilient and being resilient facing something that really is so sad. And then what like, what are we going to do from that? And we get to show them what to do? Because I think one of the things too, that creates pain, is this like the sort of romanticized ideas of happily ever after life and all of these things? It's just not how human experiences. So then when something doesn't go, according to that, you know, vision, we feel like, well, I am the one who didn't figure life out. I'm the one who failed. I'm the one who whatever, I guess everybody else figured it out. Right? It's just me. And it's now none of us, like everybody's journey is going to have struggle or pain, disappointment loss, like that's what it means to be human. So how can we use our own lived experience to actually help our children understand that transformation is the only natural state of life we're constantly evolving and expanding? There's, there's no place we're trying to arrive to like, that doesn't even exist. So

Lindsay Miller  21:32  
yeah. Yeah, that's so powerful. And I think it most of the things I focus on consistently here on the podcast is this idea of resilience, right? And how a lot of times we want to shield our kids from the hard things, you know, and as parents, that's our role in a lot of ways, keep them safe. And, but when the hard things come, if we don't acknowledge, like you said, this is here, this is actually happening right now real time, this is our life, then we do a disservice because we don't give them the tools and let them witness the process of a human navigating a harder thing. And coming out on the other side.

Erin Breeze  22:10  
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And it's so I think we do we put so much pressure on ourselves as parents to like, have some perfect parenting pathway, right. And so divorce definitely shouldn't be on that list. Right? And, and no, like, it brings us the exact ingredients, to show our kids like how you go through hard things, and how you recreate and how you rebuild, and how you repair and how you transform not just in your own life, but also how you take really deep important relationships, like family relationships, and learn how to move them into the next stage. And I think that's also just in like a tactical way. What scares people about divorce is like, where's the guidebook for? How do I go from couple to co parent? Right, and working in a constructive way, when we bid we when we have this history like, this is this is new territory, right? And so how do we do that? And, and, but the potential to show our kids like, love is this big thing. And for a while it looked like this with with a certain family unit. And now it's expanded. And this is how love looks within our family. And it doesn't mean we all agree, and it doesn't mean there isn't pain that we're healing and grieving and all the things but that love is so much bigger than that. And we're all a part of it. And then, you know, over time, like new people come in to the lives of the kids through step parents or other you know, and it just, we can really be so intentional about having this this tapestry of family grow and just be created in this beautiful way.

Lindsay Miller  23:48  
Yeah, yeah. And I can really appreciate the ways that that kind of mindset supports growth for children. Because the The interesting thing about kids, right is that they'll adopt when they're little the story that we tell them. And so when we tell them a story that promotes connection, in a different way, you know, or when we tell them a story, that creates an opportunity from a heart thing, they grow up thinking that that can be true, right. And so there's just so much power in telling the right stories in these types of moments.

Erin Breeze  24:25  
Absolutely. I'm thinking about them. I have a new little I call it my podcast car cast because I do it from my car and it's literally it's me on the road on my mom commute, sharing things from the road of life of divorce and but I one of the most listened to recent episodes is called Let's Talk About our exes. And it's I think it's not it's not what I think people sort of expect me to say, which is, let's be talking about our exes in this beautiful way to our shared children. Right and really what What are the stories that we're telling our kids and, and one of the things that I do and work with clients on is like weaving in intentionally, stories, getting really clear the things that we want to highlight to have with the precisely because we want our children hearing us saying this about their other parent, and giving them the gift of hearing this story. So there are certain things that I like, well, you know, just weave them because I want to make sure that that's part of their family lore, and that they get to hear it from me. And there's such beauty in that.

Lindsay Miller  25:34  
That's so powerful I love I love envisioning those conversations and how offering kids again, just like a bridge, a bridge to how this looks a bridge to how this can look a bridge to how to stay connected to both of these people that you really love. I mean, just building little bridges for them all through the experience, and then allowing them to walk over them like hand in hand with you saying like, and look where we're going.

Erin Breeze  25:57  
Yeah, yeah. And that's why I talked about in like, the heart of my work is called celebrating your marriage as complete. And what that is really helping women do is make sure that they're not getting stuck in some of the common symptoms of stuckness. I see. Which is, you know, one of them is like getting stuck in the pain or the anger, there's often a lot of comparison to the other partner, there's a lack of certainty and one's own vision for the future or a lack of positive expectation for the future. So if any of those things are happening, for anybody listening, just know that that's, it's okay. It just means you're stuck in the stage, but you'll you can get through that that's not your new normal, okay, it's not your new normal. And those are some of the symptoms that I see often when women come to me is they're like, this, I don't feel like me, I don't feel like myself, like, I don't feel my my confidence that I once had, I feel unsure I feel. And that that's why I talked about this process of getting complete, it just means they aren't complete yet. And once you get complete, you can like all these other things unlocked. But first, we got to go through that, that process. And really it is finding, finding acceptance in the process, finding your own insight of why this is here, what it's bringing you in the process, and then you do get to this place of, of gratitude for the journey and the celebrating your marriage is complete just means that you're at this place of like, peace with where with that had happened, what does it mean that you, you know, like, that it wasn't hard, or that you've somehow No, it's that you're honoring, like, all of what has transpired is ultimately, here for us, all of us, including your kiddos, and there's the celebration isn't like I'm so glad to be done with that person has nothing to do with that. It's like, I'm so glad I have arrived to this new level of myself that I have these understandings and that I grew through this experience.

Lindsay Miller  27:52  
That's yeah, really, really well put, I can really appreciate the effort that it takes to shift to that mindset. You know, and, and that's where I love what you're doing in terms of the groups that you have, and the class that you teach and the way that you work with people. Because it's not a mindset that gets general support, you know, in pretty much anywhere you go. That's not That's not the story we're telling, that's not the mindset that people adopt. And so connecting with a group of women connecting with you connecting with spaces where that is the story, you know, it's so validating, right, in order to a like, trust your own process, like you're saying, and just trust that the way you're moving through is, is yours, and you will move through. And then also just to see the potentiality when a lot of times it just feels dark. Because in those moments when it's dark, I feel like those are especially the times when you need someone like you they're saying, just hang on there some light.

Erin Breeze  28:48  
Yeah, and I so I feel like for all of us on our journey we do we want to move ourselves closer to those who understand our journey and can help us see ourselves more clearly. We just all myself included, I have guides and mentors and coaches and like, and when we look around and see people excelling in any area of life, like nobody's doing it alone. So I really hope that if anybody's listening who feels like ah, I'm not where I would like to be like, definitely move toward people who are on the other side, right and who can because don't try to go it alone. I do see that mistake a lot with moms, we put so much pressure on ourselves already. And then divorce happens and then we're stuck in there like guilt and feeling like I failed. And then what do we do we like punish ourselves by saying okay, well now I have to just do this by myself. And I guess it's just and we don't ever sometimes we're not consciously totally aware of that. But I would just say if you're feeling a determination to go it alone, just like look at what's coming up around that because everybody deserves support and deserves to be supported through a process like this and you will you will do better, faster. If you just if you receive and one of the things I love teaching is like the art of receiving because a lot of us, that's one of the things that divorce certainly brought me was learning to receive because I was super like, Nope, I'm good, I got it I'm good, super hyper independent in a way that wasn't, isn't sustainable, you know. So like receive, receive support, receive help and be conscious of moving yourself toward and putting yourself in proximity with others so that you can get that that support? Because we don't we don't need to go this alone. This isn't a solo we have to go into chrysalis alone. Sure. But we don't have to do the whole process alone.

Lindsay Miller  30:35  
Yeah, yeah. And I love that you spoke to self care in there. Because I think that that process of engaging with caring for ourselves during really hard times, can be challenging, you know, maybe it's for financial reasons. And we feel like there's not there aren't resources for us in order, you know, to care for ourselves. Maybe it's time like you're saying, we feel like oh my gosh, I have this whole huge now burden of work that I didn't have before that I need to figure out how to, you know, navigate on my own, so I don't have time. And and I really can attest to the power of group momentum and guidance, because in those moments, it's actually it's so essential, like you're saying we cannot go without, in those moments. And that's, you know, if we're having those thoughts, like, there's just not space or I can't afford or there's no way I can make this work. But there's something in us that saying, but you need this. That's the part to listen to. Right?

Erin Breeze  31:27  
Absolutely. And there's always a way. So yes, we have conditions of finances and time. And but there's always a way. So we want to look at like, Okay, what's it really about? Because you normally that's not the full, like, Okay, if Sure, we gotta go find the money, or we got it whatever, like, well, let's build an action plan around it. But there's always a way. So we really want to look at what's really the story I'm telling myself is it that I'm not, I don't deserve this, that I whatever, there's usually something else. So just really listen, listen to that, see what's coming up, because often it's other people's back to sort of where we started earlier around. The shaming and the failure like some of these voices that can come from family of origin from religious, social, cultural voices, that is actually like part of where we end up stuck is that we're not listening to ourselves and what we need, we're still listening to those voices. And I know how that can be really hard. But it is essential that we say no thanks to those judgments, the any of those voices of judgment, because we have to for ourselves like and for our kiddos like we want to show them that no matter who is saying it, you get to say no thanks. If it's not, you're in your highest good and best interest. And sometimes like that's part of what I believe divorce brings us is this opportunity to really get conscious of like, these are some old paradigms that I was raised with that led me into this relationship. And I'm I, you know, it's up to me to really, like let us be free from that, right and let my children be free from that. So there can be some really important power reclamation pieces in that. But just to say like, so if anybody's listening and feeling like they can't, or they shouldn't or they don't deserve, just get curious of like, Whose voice is that? And sit with that because I suspect it's it's an old voice and you'll have a sense of where it's coming from. And then you have this beautiful opportunity to just return it. Just return it back. Thank you for because sometimes it's coming from a really well intentioned place, but it's not helpful anymore. Yeah,

Lindsay Miller  33:33  
that's a powerful practice returning it. It's actually not for me, thanks for offering it, but I don't need any more or this isn't serving or Yeah. Yeah. So many gems, can you just walk us through as we close what the shift looks like, like, Give us an example, either from your own story or in clients that you've worked with? Like, what that shift is when you take the opportunity to go into the cocoon to be okay in the goo and acknowledge it as part of the process and then emerge transformed? What What's the other side look like?

Erin Breeze  34:07  
Yeah, well, I often say there's so much more energy available. Okay. So like, if we give ourselves first it starts with this simple decision. So I also want to say like, yes, there's, like stages and strategy and work that I do within the program and tools, but ultimately, like it truly comes down to giving yourself permission to thrive. So if you make the decision that I'm going to thrive as an outcome of this, everything starts to shift already. Because it's everything can shift back to this idea of like the meaning and stories right. So if this is like part of my own divine disruption, this is part of my own becoming my awakening, then suddenly everything is already starting to shift. And we want to really like it starts with that with a choice. It is a choice to say this will be this for me and my family. This will be this process. And then I think part of what what I have experienced and somewhat clients shares, like, suddenly you just start to have so much more energy, because it takes a lot of energy to stay in blame, shame, guilt, pain, like, so much of our resourcing is in that it's like, mired in that. And when we start to dissolve that, all of a sudden, we can't we have, we just have so much more available and available to invest in a relationship with our kiddos available to get clear on our vision for ourselves. And what we really want to do in life, like all of this energy starts to come. So really, I feel like that on the other side, it's more joy, freedom, like true freedom to be who you are, and to be in pursuit of whatever it is you're here to pursue. And then so much more connection. Because when you don't have all that other stuff running, you can be present and attune to your kiddos in a completely different way. And so joy, freedom connection, I would say.

Lindsay Miller  35:57  
Thank you. Yeah, I just love the way you described it and the way you are able to not only live it but then guide other people through it because I think that the way we frame our story has its that's where all the potential is right? We unlock so much freedom, like you said, and an energy I love that it feels like carrying around a bag of rocks or, you know, and I think anytime we're not present and kind of attuned to our circumstances and living with creativity, where we're at, we do it's like a burden that we're carrying. But when we can just own the moment, work through it as it comes and then open ourselves up to the potential of it to serve us like you said that it's not happening to us, but that it's happening for us. Yeah, that the potential on the other side of that is so significant. Okay, before we go, can I ask you three questions that I asked podcast guests? Absolutely. What is your favorite food?

Erin Breeze  36:56  
This is kind of boring. But I have to just be honest, because they eat it so much, which is dark chocolate, like around the clock. I'm eating dark chocolate has to be dark. It's best if it's minty also.

Lindsay Miller  37:10  
What is your favorite way to relax?

Erin Breeze  37:12  
I am so coastal. So anything related to beach walks, shell collection, discovery, anything anything on the coast? Is my go to relaxation place.

Lindsay Miller  37:25  
I love that. And then what's one fun thing you'd like to do with your kids?

Erin Breeze  37:29  
I would say the same. It's getting them you know, I I feel like it's our therapy. It's our like, connect to spirit source. It's our like, just have fun connect to each other place. There's just something about the sand and the surf in the sunshine that does it. So we do spend a lot of time outdoors.

Lindsay Miller  37:49  
Amen, sand surfed and sunshine. It's hard to get better than that. Yeah, thank you so much for your time. Say, Erin, talk to us about where people can find you and your work.

Erin Breeze  37:58  
Absolutely. And thank you so much for having me. So I would love to be discovered at my website is Aaron e breeze.com. Also on Instagram is at any breeze. There's a free masterclass that folks can sign up for on my site. They can also tune in to the new podcast, which is called drive time drive time for divorced moms.

Lindsay Miller  38:19  
I love it. Thank you so much. Again, this has had so many great insights. And I know it's going to serve. I appreciate your time.

Erin Breeze  38:25  
Thank you so much. It's been great being here.

Lindsay Miller  38:27  
Thanks so much for listening. I love to the part in this podcast where she talked about the goo of a butterfly. And I feel like that phrasing can apply to so many things. I love the way that she applies it to divorce. And I also think we all go through transformations like that, right? Where life hands us something that kind of just turns us to go and we have to figure out how we're gonna make our way through. And I love those imaginal discs like how can we imagine a different way forward and kind of be actively creating our future in an empowered way rather than feeling like we're at the mercy of our lives. I really love the way Erin shares that message so beautifully. If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review. I know we have so many more listeners than reviews and I would really appreciate it if you would leave on. I read all of them and I'm so grateful for every single one. And also if you know someone who would benefit from this episode, please please share it or share Erin's work. I know it's been something that has served people that I love and here's to a helping many, many more. Until next time!

Transcribed by https://otter.ai