The ABCs of Mindfulness

Lindsay Miller  0:23  
Hey there, this is Lindsey, welcome to The Stress Nanny podcast. I'm so glad you're here because we all need somebody to keep an eye on our stress levels. So here on the podcast, we talk about ways to reduce stress, like minimize the stressors we face. And we talk about ways to increase our ability to deal with stress. So those two things are a primary focus here on the podcast. If you're looking for someone who's going to tell you to ignore your stress, this is probably not the place for you. 

But I'm so glad you're here, because today I'm going to share a mindfulness tool. And as I've mentioned before, one of the reasons that I really love mindfulness for dealing with stress is that it does both things. So it helps us to reduce the impact of the stress that we're facing no matter what stress that is. And it also enhances our ability to deal with stress. So it's a really effective and efficient way to navigate stress to stressors in our lives. So the tool that I want to share with you today is one that I frequently use with the kiddos that I coach with families in my courses, and it's called the ABCs of mindfulness. This was originally from a book called A still quiet place by Amy Saltzman and then Carla Nonnberg, references it in her book, ready, set, breathe. 

So here's how it works. It's super simple. And A is for a tension, B is for breathe, and C is for choose. So you bring your attention to the present moment you breathe to ground and get settled and just create space to respond. And then you choose a response that skillful and takes you in the direction you want to go. So when I teach this to kids will often use ABC stickers, or I'll have them color you know, paint little wooden ABCs. Or they can draw it in cute fun block letters, you know, with fancy markers, however they want to do it. And then we talk about what each one entails. Because while it sounds really simple, it takes quite a bit of effort to employ these ABCs consistently. But when you can do it, and you can train your brain to do it, it makes a massive difference not only in how you feel inside, during hard times or times of stress, but also how your ability, how you're able to react and relate to the people around you. You move from a place of just like extreme reactivity and habituated old patterns into something that's more intentional, more skillful, usually, and just like leads you forward really in a way that honors what's going on around you and it kind of where you want to go. So let me give you a few examples just so that we can let this sink in. So if we're in a situation where a child is doing homework, and they're getting really frustrated, because they don't know, you know how to do a problem, or maybe they're having a hard time, you know, remembering a vocab word, when they're just really, really getting anxious or really getting angry because they're not, you know, performing it or remembering it the way that they want to. This is again, not the time that we would practice it, we would practice it when the child is calm. Because we don't introduce mindfulness tools, when a kid is stressed out, that's not the time to introduce them. But if we've practiced ABCs, over time, what happens is a child is able to bring their attention to what's going on. So like noticing, okay, right now I'm really frustrated and angry. And I'm feeling really overwhelmed by this assignment or project because I can't figure it out, or I'm having trouble remembering. They take a deep breath. And again, with the practice with breathing during times of calm, this can bring an automatic calming response to the body and it's a neurological response. And it's a nervous system response to the whole body. So you're taking like a sympathetic response, a fight or flight response and turning it into a parasympathetic response, which is like, relaxed and ready. So take a deep breath to try to get into that space where we can choose what would be the best thing to do. Now, in that instance, the best thing might be to take a break from that particular assignment or problem, come back to it later. The the best thing to do might be asked for help. So asking someone to help quiz or asking someone to help work through the problem. That could be the best thing to do. The best thing to do might be to ask the teacher the next day or to call a friend, you know, there are quite a few solutions. But a lot of times, if we just kind of go with the emotion of overwhelm, it just takes us down a spiral. And we can have meltdowns. And there can be just like continued frustration that can go on and on and on and on and on. But if we can use the ABCs of mindfulness, we can a lot of times just process that overwhelm in a more some simple way. And in a way that helps us move through it before it becomes like a full blown meltdown, and then allows us to move forward with with more skill. So let's go through another example. One might be like putting away clothes, so maybe it's laundry day, and it's time for a child to put clothes away. And they're not wanting to and kind of pushing back. So an opportunity, as a parent in this moment to use the ABCs of mindfulness can look at it, and say, Okay, I'm gonna bring my attention to what's going on, I'm feeling frustrated, because I just did this laundry, and my child isn't putting it away. And I'm tired of having to ask 47 times for this to happen, I'm going to breathe for just a second. And then I'm going to choose a response that builds communication and connection. And also, you know, maybe adds a little bit of clarity to the situation. So instead of just getting angry or frustrated, and yelling, or you know, telling telling the child they're doing their own laundry from now on, because this isn't working, which you know, feel free if that's what how you roll in your house, or that's the stage or where you're at, and they need to do their own laundry. But if if it's something where you just need to have a conversation saying, You know what, hey, I can really appreciate that you've had a long day, and that you're wanting to do something else right now. And that laundry, putting away laundry isn't something that sounds fun to you. At the same time, I would really appreciate you putting this away, it's been in your room for a couple of days now. And I've tried to be really relaxed and patient about this happening. And I just feel like it's time, or I can appreciate that you don't want to put it away right now. I'm going to need this laundry basket back by the end of the night. So please make sure between now and when you go to bed, you you know, take care of it. So sometimes giving kids a choice, and when stuff happens can make a big difference for them. We can say something like, you know, I've been known to say this in my house where I say, you know, I made an effort to pull those clothes out of the dryer before they got over in cold. And if they sit in the laundry basket for much longer, they're gonna be wrinkled again. And so it would be really awesome if they could find a hanger as soon as possible. And a lot of times, if we kind of explain what's going on to kids, they can respond in a more skillful way. And much more skillfully than if we just kind of come down hard on them or get frustrated. Another example for this can be if a child is in a performance or a game or sporting activity, and they're feeling nervous or anxious. And they want to have, you know, a good performance or a good game. But they're just kind of feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. And so in that moment, the ABCs would look like bringing their attention to what they're feeling. And again, this is where having a pretty wide vocabulary around emotion is super helpful. And as parents, we do our kids a big service, when we just point out to them what they're feeling. You know, so if you're noticing before a game that a child is feeling stressed, you can say, oh, it looks like you're really anxious right now. And sometimes that can really help them it's the name entertainment idea, right? So this component of the ABCs that's attention sometimes it is just pointing out what is going on. Oh, you're feeling really nervous about this, aren't you? Oh, I can tell that this upcoming game is making you kind of nervous. And then letting kids you know move from there. So in that instance, if you're talking with your child, you take us take the deep breath like okay, maybe we should just take a deep breath you know, before you go out in the field or before you go backstage. Let's just take a quick deep breath together. You take that deep breath

and then you choose where to focus your attention. So in this instance, I would encourage a child to focus their thoughts on the times they've done well, on all the practice they've put in or a time when they really knocked it out of the park like did fantastic either in you know, a previous play or in a play practice the dress rehearsal or you know, previous game like harkening back to the times when they did well and sending them into the performance or the game with that thought top of mind. So choosing where their attention goes as they step onto the field or onto the stage. that can be a really helpful response when, when nervousness is kind of taking over. So in these examples, I hope you can see that it's a super simple practice, right? Attention, breathe, choose, but it's powerful, because you can apply it in so many scenarios. So, you know, with grandkids with kids at school, there's just a lot of different ways this can come in handy. And if you can habituate this pattern, of like getting really present with attention, like bringing our attention to what is going on breathing, to create that space, and then choosing something intentionally, that sequence of events is so so powerful, and you can see as kids get older and older, it serves them even more, right, so this conversation with a toddler looks like putting toys away. But this conversation with a teenager looks like you know, taking a drink and or saying no to friends who are taking a drink. You know, if it's somebody a child who's younger, and like elementary age, it may be it looks like something around a friendship and having, you know, an altercation or a fight with a friend. And being able to repair something in their attention to the fact that they feel sad and miss their friend, taking a deep breath, and then choosing how to communicate with that friend in a way that helps them reconnect, right. But then maybe as a high school senior, this looks like not getting overwhelmed as you're, you know, getting ready to go to college and recognizing that you've been practicing this idea of presence and intentional choice and focusing your thoughts for years and years. And you can focus on the times you've been successful, the things you've done, right how hard working you are. And that kind of propels you forward into your future on more steady, you know, footing, than if you were just stuck in your doubts and your fears. So the practice over time, really, really creates like a really strong foundation in mindfulness. And it's super easy to remember, because it's just the mindfulness ABCs. But it's one of the tools I teach at the very beginning for a lot of the kids that I work with. And again, it's simple, you can employ it in your family in a variety of ways. You can make little signs with mindfulness ABCs on them, you can have kids do an art project or craft, which is always how I love to introduce different concepts around mindfulness. And they can just kind of let them run with it, and see where they take it. Because another aspect of the practice is that the choice is individual, right. And a lot of times kids can just tune into their own intuition in that part where they're choosing. And once they're not in, like a state of extreme overwhelm. And once they've kind of been able to settle with that breath, they can make choices with a lot more clarity. And so it's cool to see what they can come up with and the ways they can kind of regulate and navigate situations skillfully on their own, just by giving themselves space to not be reactive. 

So I hope this one comes in handy for you, I would love to hear how you use it and the way that you teach it. I'm always interested in the way these tools land in your own family. So one other thing that I was going to share was that I've gotten some feedback about people who've rated the podcast, thank you so much. And then others who had a little bit of trouble navigating the rating. So there's a service called rate this podcast and it's rate this podcast slash the stress nanny is where you can go to leave a review for this podcast, and it makes it super easy based on whatever app you're using to listen to it. So I'll provide a link to that in the show notes. But if you wouldn't mind leaving a quick review, I would really appreciate it. And please share this one with anyone who would benefit from the mindfulness ABCs I hope you have a wonderful week and I will talk to you again soon. Until next time!

Transcribed by https://otter.ai